Monday, December 28, 2009

Ten Reasons Why Motorcycles Should Be Banned In Malaysia.

1) Some motorcyclists think they are driving cars and end up taking the middle of the lane instead of the side. They become instant contributors among major causes of the infamous traffic congestion in Malaysia!

2) Certain motorcyclists still think they own cars and love to park their little vehicle on the car parking area itself, especially around places with high car volume. And there already is not enough parking around KL!

3) The only time some of them do realize they are not driving cars, is when they weave in and out of every minutest space available between cars at ridiculous speed, and is dangerous to other people too!

4) The motorcycle remains the easiest motor vehicle to steal. Think of all the time policemen can save to work on real crimes, and also save insurance people trouble. Motorcyclists can even save for bus and beer.

5) People do not service motorbikes anymore do they? For a small machine, it is amazing they can emit smoke enough to rival the worst of Rapid KL busses. They are a major cause of pollution in the city!

6) It is great for Malaysian economy! More cars will be sold, more people pump petrol, toll plazas will get money from more cars instead of letting motorbike people through for free! For current car owners, erm...

7) All OPS SIKAP will definitely see a huge drop in road fatalities during festive seasons. We know by fact most these deaths are overwhelmingly motorcyclists. Why still let them on those potential killer toys?

8) We always complain about snatch thieves, why not take away the major equipment from the criminal’s modus operandi? Instead of asking ladies to stop flaunting handbags, how about halting motorcycling?

9) Mat Rempits will finally lose their star vehicle! They can only Rempit with a broom in their room all they want if motorbikes are banned. Hurrah! No more bike gangsters! The menace will be gone for good!

10) They are small and fast for goodness sake! Motorbikes should be banned for the owners own bloody safety. We care for them, but their majority do not even care about themselves. Away with motorbikes!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Transgender People And The New Straits Times Factor.

There was this disgusting editorial opinion on the NST today, with the writer presumably being either the Group Managing Editor Zainul Arifin Mohammed Isa, and/or Syed Nadzri Syed Harun, who is the Group Editor. This letter was published on the same newspaper that a two-page special on transgender people was featured. The letter offered ridiculous suggestions that probably confirm New Straits Times as a confused third world newspaper with little authority.

EDITORIAL: Sex and the Fatine factor

BUT for a few sexily-dressed individuals who flaunt their dubious assets in certain streets of the city to earn a precarious living, by and large these controversial members of our society keep very much to themselves.

Until someone like Mohammed Fazdil Min Bahari, or Fatine Young as he calls himself now following his same-sex marriage to a doting Briton after they were issued a certificate to marry by the British Home Office, comes along and triggers the nation into a polemic over the issue of transgender. It may not have been Fazdil's wish to be in the limelight but for the very fact that he is a transsexual and that another arm of the British government, the UK Border Agency, is not allowing him to stay in the country because immigration procedures were not followed. Fazdil is now awaiting deportation pending his third application to remain in Britain.

Meanwhile, Malaysian Immigration director-general Datuk Abdul Rahman Othman has declared that Fazdil has "brought shame on the country" by his same-sex marriage and for overstaying in Britain. "The penalties may be more severe than the two-year passport issuance deferment as she (he) has brought great shame to us," declared Rahman. Several non-governmental organisations and concerned individuals have rallied around "Fatine". While society in Britain and the laws of that country, and the West, generally, may accept Fazdil, whose predicament has been described as a "woman trapped in a man's body" and who has yet to go under the surgeon's knife to make him a female, it is not the case in Malaysia.

The laws and regulations of the land are quite clear where issues of transsexuality, homosexuality and cross-dressing are concerned and it has seen the authorities -- police, religious and others -- acting decisively against them. Homosexuality and other "unorthodox" sexual practices are frowned upon by the Quran and Bible. Islam recognises four genders -- males, females, khunsa (males who are hermaphrodites) and mukhannis (effeminate males). While a khunsa may undergo a sex-change operation and be reclassified as female and accepted, the mukhanni is forbidden to change his sex, and cannot enlarge his breasts with hormones, cross dress or enhance his "female" looks with make-up.

While we can sympathise with their predicament, there are no two ways about interpreting the law of the land. Until and unless Parliament and the religious authorities see it fit to decide otherwise, Malaysians in the "grey sexual areas" have to abide by the laws and keep their sexuality to themselves.

If it is not annoying enough that either writer continuously called a transsexual Fatine, by male pronouns, they even called transsexuals “controversial members of our society”. This is a blatant act of discrimination, by attempting to segregate and stigmatize transsexuals. If that is not enough, the writer placed “scare quotes” around Fatine’s name.

Not contented of being a bigot, either writer then suggested by both religion and the “law of the land” to keep (our) sexuality to ourselves. Now this is where complete idiocy of either writer strikes me. Firstly, the law of the land does not criminalize homosexuality as per se, but “carnal intercourse against nature”. Penal Section Code 377, also applies fully to heterosexuals; sadly only people in same sex relationships are persecuted using it. This is called heterosexism and bias. But Sodomy, is also a heterosexual activity.

Secondly, there is no law against transsexuality, and transsexuality is a medical condition; it has its own researches and medical professionals, and recognized by the World Health Association. To outlaw people on the basis of a medical condition is stupid, if not mentally unsound in today’s age. I wonder just how can either of them miss that.

Thirdly, the talk of religion is already out. Homosexuality, as oversimplified as a form of lust in the Abrahamic Holy Books, is not even related to the homosexuality as per known today. The word defining “homosexual” does not even appear in the Quran, and “homosexual” in the Bible has been placed into it by political meddling, reinterpretation only since 1949. To argue religion is to misuse it especially when other religious laws are not observed.

Homosexuality is a word to signify attraction, as with heterosexuality, bisexuality and asexuality. To scrutinize homosexual oral sex and ignore heterosexual oral sex is plain selective discrimination, influenced by the wave of heteronormality Malaysia is being bombarded with. No one complains of Britney Spears’ sex-with-2-guys-song, did we?

For either editor to lay claim that we should closet our sexuality is the show of their oximoronism. This is about gender identity. How do you closet gender? Can we then ask them to keep their malay identity face? Or keep their religious identity to themselves? I am not sure what kind of editors they are to fail to see this simple point.

In the end, it is obvious either writer is not stupid. They are just blatantly choosing to show their intolerant, ignorant and prejudicial ego. It is impossible for someone to lay claims to being "group editors" of a "national newspaper" to write such illogical and unknowledgeable claptrap. Or perhaps it is yet another example for selective presentation of information?

Even if either editor is biased, with an estimated ratio of 1 out of 500 people being born transsexual, and 1 out of 60 people being born with sexual ambiguities ranging from Klinefelter Syndrome to 5ARD to Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome; they stand a good chance of tasting a burden of a lifetime; having a classic transgender child. Perhaps only then they will learn.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

What's On Yuki's Mind: Overkill.

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps its just my imagination
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
That I know will be alright
It's just overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night, my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Best From The Archives Of "The Journey Of Yuki" - Breaking News: More Evidence On Biological Causes Of Homosexuality Found.

As all the ex-gay ministries parade their scientifically discredited causation theories on homosexuality, more scientific evidence on the innateness of homosexuality have been discovered. So with more truth on homosexuality coming out, perhaps it is high time ex-gay ministries admit the obvious before more people realise about the ex-gay myth: It is all lies.

Source: NewScientist
Brain scans have provided the most compelling evidence yet that being gay or straight is a biologically fixed trait. (emphasis added)

The scans reveal that in gay people, key structures of the brain governing emotion, mood, anxiety and aggressiveness resemble those in straight people of the opposite sex.

The differences are likely to have been forged in the womb or in early infancy, says Ivanka Savic, who conducted the study at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden.

"This is the most robust measure so far of cerebral differences between homosexual and heterosexual subjects," she says.

Previous studies have also shown differences in brain architecture and activity between gay and straight people, but most relied on people's responses to sexuality driven cues that could have been learned, such as rating the attractiveness of male or female faces.

Brain symmetry
To get round this, Savic and her colleague, Per Lindström, chose to measure brain parameters likely to have been fixed at birth.

"That was the whole point of the study, to show parameters that differ, but which couldn't be altered by learning or cognitive processes," says Savic.

First they used MRI scans to find out the overall volume and shapes of brains in a group of 90 volunteers consisting of 25 heterosexuals and 20 homosexuals of each gender.

The results showed that straight men had asymmetric brains, with the right hemisphere slightly larger – and the gay women also had this asymmetry. Gay men, meanwhile, had symmetrical brains like those of straight women.

The team next used PET scans to measure blood flow to the amygdala, part of the brain that governs fear and aggression. The images revealed how the amygdala connected to other parts of the brain, giving clues to how this might influence behaviour.

Depression link
They found that the patterns of connectivity in gay men matched those of straight women, and vice versa (see image, above right). In straight women and gay men, the connections were mainly into regions of the brain that manifest fear as intense anxiety.

"The regions involved in phobia, anxiety and depression overlap with the pattern we see from the amygdala," says Savic.

This is significant, she says, and fits with data showing that women are three times as likely as men to suffer from mood disorders or depression. Gay men have higher rates of depression too, she says, but it's difficult to know whether this is down to biology, homophobia or simply feelings of being "different".

In straight men and lesbians, the amygdala fed its signals mainly into the sensorimotor cortex and the striatum, regions of the brain that trigger the "fight or flight" response. "It's a more action-related response than in women," says Savic.

'Striking differences'
"This study demonstrates that homosexuals of both sexes show strong cross-sex shifts in brain symmetry," says Qazi Rahman, a leading researcher on sexual orientation at Queen Mary college, University of London, UK.

"The connectivity differences reported in the amygdala are striking."

"Paradoxically, it's more informative to look at things that have no direct connection with sexual orientation, and that's where this study scores," says Simon LeVay, a prominent US author who in 1991 reported finding differences (pdf) in a part of the brain called the hypothalamus between straight and gay men.

But as Savic herself acknowledges, the study can't say whether the brain differences are inherited, or result from abnormally high or low exposure in the womb to sex hormones such as testosterone.

Journal reference: Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (DOI: 10.1073/pnas.0801566105)

Yuki's Thoughts:
I guess even when the dusk is settled, with more and more truths about homosexuality coming up, we would still hear more wacky ideas from ex-gays (and anti-gays). But instead of simply admitting the ridiculous theories of distant fathers and overbearing mothers (and crossdressed by mother ala Edmund Smith); we would instead face up to more imposement of personal evaluation of values upon us, as stupid as their 'traditional values' sound. (With this discovery) They would probably ask questions such as - can this be prevented during pregnancy? Ignorance AND Intolerance is bliss.

Yuki's Choice Reading:

Coverage and comments on this groundbreaking story also available on:
America's Box Turtle Bulletin and Asia's Fridae

Published in "The Journey Of Yuki" on Saturday, June 18, 2008

Friday, December 11, 2009

Reflecting On Fatine.

I am starting to feel disillusioned about the campaign to get Fatine (born Mohammed Fazdil Min Bahari) residing in the United Kingdom with her husband. There are several reasons to me feeling a mix of emotions. As much as I want her to be able to stay there and never come back to this largely anti-trans country, I cannot help but wonder about the damage it has caused to the transgender community in Malaysia.

Whether she likes it or not, her decision to open up to the British media has reignited a long standing debate on transgender issues in Malaysia. Although the opponent's arguments fail to stand against the light of the facts and science about transsexualism; however, it is the religious arguments that I am concerned about. These emotive beliefs seem to have created a climate even more less favourable for trans people. And while she is still safe in the United Kingdom, some of us are starting to feel the brunt.

Her outing has also instigated several parties to petition in defense of her marriage to Ian Young. As the third class style media continue to sensationalize her issue (and still using the wrong pronouns), we are fanning the flames of fire to fight for one single person’s right to be with her husband. But who is she? She is virtually an unknown until the news came out in Malaysia. She has never spoken up for the trans community in Malaysia. She has never done any benefit to the LGBT community or for human rights.

So why are we supporting someone that we hardly know, so strongly? Why are we putting her in the pedestal as some kind of trans female heroine for Malaysia? We can argue that she has been discriminated by the Immigration DG, but how many more others have been discriminated by one government official to another? What validation are we looking for in our quest to get her to be safe?

And as a person who was once married to a caucassion staying overseas, I must say I do examine her intentions. I must admit there is a part of me that is desperate to get out of country because of its confused and prejudicial state against trans people. Does she have the same feeling? Is she just using Ian Young? Is it really love that brought them together or is it something else? Is she just an opportunist?

There are a few scenarios now that can happen now. She can stay with Ian Young in the United Kingdom and drop under the radar, and her story will be mentioned once in a while. She will then fade into obscurity. At that time, we would not even know whether she is still married, divorced, or anything. Or she can come back to Malaysia, gets charged and sent to prison where she will be a bigger martyr, something she would never think of. Then within a few months, she would disappear from all the limelight.

Right at this moment, she is taking all the support, love and attention from everyone; but not one instance did she speak up on anything in support back to the other tens of thousands of us that are stranded in Malaysia, that have to face increased transphobia ever since she got herself that 15 minutes of fame. And one can seriously doubt if she will ever speak up for her sisters here in Malaysia. One day, after she leaves the spotlight, we may even wonder what had she done for the LGBT to get our support.

The rest of us that are back here may face the aftermath of all this. No one will know her better than she knows herself, but we know we may be facing difficult times ahead. Currently in Malaysia, trans people are bullied in schools and some are driven to the brink of suicide. Most trans people are not able to get proper jobs, and end up on the streets because they are turned away when they wish to rent a room.

Some would even be turned away when they seek medical help. Many of trans people continue to face biased prosecution from the civil and syariah laws, and persecution from almost all the religions institutions in Malaysia. Most will continue to live with stigmatization and discrimination. More names of trans people who are murdered will be added to the Transgender Day Of Remembrance for next year.

All while Fatine is miles and miles away, enjoying her new home, new life, and close to her new freedom.

Previous story below.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Hearty Love Story Turned Into A Farce By News Media And Immigration Official.

What began as an obstacle across the beautiful relationship between Fatine (Mohammed Fazdil Min Bahari) and Ian Young has been turned by our so-called “the people’s paper” into a confused mesh of tomatoes ready to be thrown back on the faces of the writers, editors and the paper “The Star”. The first mention was reasonable actually, professional; except for the mis-gendering. The usual usage of male pronouns to describe Fatine shows incredible disrespect to a woman Ian Young has called his wife.

Then came for some reason, two news articles on the same subject two days in a row, on the repercussions should Fatine be forced to return home. Datuk Abdul Rahman Othman, the Immigration Deparment director-general, also joined in the nastiness. The first news piece contained a quote which confirmed full bias.

He said the department would have to look at Mohammed Fazdil’s travel documents to ascertain if he had committed any offence and would not speculate on whether an offence had been committed until it had the chance to investigate the case.

“We view problems like overstaying very seriously because committing an offence overseas also affects the image of the country but we have to look at all aspects on the case before deciding if action will be taken.

(In other sources such as the NST, the words "disgraced" and "shame" were also noted. Sigh.)

The strange thing is the offence has yet to be committed. But yet they wish to check her documents, as if to find any irregularity to prosecute her with. And with all the talk about “the image of the country”, Abdul Rahman Othman totally ignored the fact that Malaysia is in the spotlight here, not the trans woman. Malaysia, unlike countries such as Singapore, has stringent rules that discriminate against transgender people. In most parts of Malaysia, trans women are not allowed to have female looking photos on their passports, let alone identification cards and vice versa. And the gender marker on these documents places Malaysian transgender people at risk of detention and interrogation every time they go overseas. It is also placing them in danger of harassment and ridicule from some immigration officers across the seas. So the true “image of the country” here is being represented by Malaysia themselves. Which is probably what the couple is hoping to capitalize on, and bring awareness to this issue about this country.

Then came “journalist” Dharmender “Singh” to misrepresent us totally. “He” and "The Star" seem to have confusion in addressing us, but then settled for transvestite for the title and transsexual for the body, even though these two words mean two totally different groups of people! And just as the previous two "news articles", "they" continuously mis-gender Fatine with male pronouns. And by publishing the same "story" two days in a row, "they" seem to have an obsession with this couple. And it sickens me that the nice couple only wants to grow in love together, but our super shallow "immigration officials" and "media", are not helping the situation. Instead, "they" used this opportunity to sensationalize the "issue". When you start to mind other people’s personal relationships and make a mockery out of it, it means you have downgraded your own self respect.

Oh, in case you are wondering what is with the quotation marks, Dharmender “Singh” wrote this:
It was reported on Sunday that Mohammed Fazdil or Fatine, 36, who recently "married” property maintenance company owner Ian Young in a civil partnership, was denied his visa in September on grounds that his passport contained an incorrect photograph. (bold emphasis mine)

And on the caption for the photograph, this “journalist” wrote:
In trouble: Mohammed Fazdil or Fatine was told to return to Malaysia after his visa had expired. This picture is courtesy of Ian Young, whom he ‘married’ in Britain. (bold emphasis mine)

It was insulting enough for this “Singh” to “write” using “quotations marks” to express his “opinion” to “invalidate” a situation. But when “he” totally went out of his “way” to use “it” to “invalidate” their wonderful marriage, I need to seriously doubt that “he” is a “writer” after all. Maybe “he” is just a jerk. And "The Star" is "the paper" with no integrity.

Yuki's thoughts:

The pick of the most stupid, freakish and atrocious blog commentary on this matter must come from this extremist fundie. He seems so intoxicated and drunk into his own world, he thinks all transgender people are homosexuals and went out of his mind to rant about it. He also thinks transgender people are more powerful to bring the end of the world than global warming and war. With the sprouting of myths about homosexuality to making himself totally devoid of brain cells to understand anything about sexual orientation and gender identity, he proved his evil heart by hatemongering against LGBT people. And adding to that, he uses Islam as a base to his claims, even though the word homosexual never appeared in their Quran, and idiots like him likes to distort other people’s love and relationship, into just lust and sex. And transsexuality, the medical condition, was never in their Quran either. Amazing how sotongs like him, loves to make force connections to religion when they just simply hate people they love to discriminate.

And personally, I find it very amusing when people claim I am homosexual, when I am a closeted asexual.

Well, at least all of us trans women get some 'pahala' each for the nonsense by this idiot, especially for calling us "pondan".

Monday, November 30, 2009

Islamophobia: The Reason.

You may need to translate this from Malay to English. This is an example as to why I have a phobia towards Islam, and most Islamic people. For some reason they take such extreme views on a simple medical condition, feels it is fitting to insult people and loves to rant away on subjects they know nothing about. Facts and science are ignored. Prejudice and bigotry stands for them.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Story On A Group Of Transsexual Sex Workers And Some Guy.

Harian Metro really have too much time in their hands. They really have nothing valid to report, so they have to fabricate sensationalizing news to sell their sorry piece of tabloid. Reading this piece in The Star’s English version of the Harian Metro article, any intelligent person would ask: So what is the point of the article, except to make transsexuals look like dastardly criminals?

A GROUP of transsexual sex workers in Chow Kit are using pornographic films to distract clients before robbing them, reported Harian Metro.

Members of the group would seduce the victim while another sex worker would try to steal belongings like wallets and handphones.

In a recent incident, a client known as Ping said he was asked to lie on the bed before choosing a free DVD pornographic movie to watch as a “warm-up”.

“The sex worker told me to take off my pants. It was then placed on a chair nearby,” said the 33-year-old chef.

Ping declined to elaborate on what happened next, but said he reached for his pants only to find that his handphone was missing from the pocket when he heard loud noises that sounded like a fight outside the room.

“I was even more surprised to find that my wallet, which was originally in my pocket, was moved to the top of the television set. Some RM400 was also gone,” he said.

After Ping repeatedly demanded the sex worker to return his valuables, she finally agreed to give them back, claiming that her friend had stolen them.

There are so many things wrong with this news piece I do not know where to start. For someone who can carry RM 400 in his wallet, it seems ridiculous that this “Ping”, would choose a transsexual female for companionship, rather than a Chinese female social escort or a female prostitute, which is all over Chow Kit. It is hard to believe.

And it mentioned that this is a group operation. So a person would book all the “members of the group” to be “seduced” by them all? This sounds like another piece of illogical crappy lie.

And of all the story on a transsexual “gang” that Harian Metro loves to report, one harmless sex worker was left all alone for this “Ping” to demand for his valuables back from her. Excuse me, where are the “GROUP of transsexual sex workers in Chow Kit”?

All this do not make sense, and seems like another blatant attempt to yet again demonize and misrepresent transsexuals. Nice piece of shit they reported.

Well, at least I must commend "The Star" that for once in this report, they called us "transsexuals" instead, and with the right pronouns.

Unfortunately, at the original source article at Harian Metro, these sotongs still love to call trans folk with deragatory labels like "pondan". The ignorance also breeds the stupidity of AsiaOne, who continues to call transgender people "transvestites". People often mentioned that the standard of news reporting in this region is not up to the mark. Well, we can thank these ignorant and prejudicial news sources for it. They have nothing to report but how "bad" we are.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Two Ignorant People And A Transgender Beauty Pageant.

The bitch that scarred the faces of trans people with her wagging shallow stereotypical tongue.

Nothing annoys me more than stupidity. I can still bear with ignorance, but when too much ignorance bear out the fruits of idiocy, I find that really unbearable. I already have to read idiotic articles written by stupid writers, but today I also have to contend with a sulking sore transvestite loser, Fonseka.

Mr. Golingai, the writer of the article "Roxanne walks on the wild side" within the Star article linked above, endlessly puts words into the mouth of the sulking trans person, but because of Fonseka’s own oximoronic behaviour, we might just as well believe it as the real words. But then again, we can see that Mr. Golingai is also totally ignorant about the differences between a transvesitite and a transsexual, as he explores the journey of a transvestite in a transsexual dominated pageant.

Oh, and he also sees cross-dressing as a fetish, a word he conveniently added into the article, among his other bad and atrocious representations like stating that "Pondan" and "Ah Kua" means transvestite. Excuse me, "Pondan" and "Ah Kua" are DEROGATARIVE terms that are used by some parties to describe transgenders. And Mr. Golingai seems obsessed with the word tranvestite. I do not mind people from Thailand using that term because of their weak English command, but for a so-called writer, he should at least know his English 101 better.

Then we have dear Fonseka sulking about the loss by splashing some of the most stupid and mind-boggling things ever said on the news. Dearie, please do remember that if you lay claim to represent us, please do not make us look like a bunch of total whores. Because that is what you have done. Contrary to your claims darling, most of us, though struggling and still fighting for civility, are surviving and living as normal as any other next person. Your smoking out on the community would not change that.

You are a transvestite, so do not complain. The other girls are transsexuals. They are happy with who they are. They are women, but born differently. They transition to fix that difference. You are a man. You are still proud of your dick. I am not proud of it. So do not call our transition ugly, get that into your head. I will still be a proud woman by 60 years of age. I am not so desperate as to lie to my parents in order to enter a beauty competition. I do not need to be sexy and beautiful, and plastic surgeries are just as normal as any cissexual woman would partake in. Hormones are to change and balance my sexual identity to my gender identity.

And having Gender Identity Disorder means I am looking at a whole life as a woman dependent on medication. I am made of sugar, and now adding spice. You are made up of nothing but clothes and make up. You are being one big bitch in making my transition experience, as many others, looking like a farce and a temporary fantasy. Stop the bunghole attitude, ok?

You lost the pageant fair and square. And by your willingness to get exploited by a stupid writer to get solicited attention, and by misinforming the public about transgenders, and your misrepresentations of a transsexual like me: You definitely deserve it. So go and stuff your RM 800 yellow dress up your ass. I am contented with my RM 10 top which I bought from SS2.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Tears For Maine.

I feel so much pain today. I do not really know how to describe it. All I know is there are senior LGBT citizens out there that may have to go to their graves not being able to marry their loved ones. There are parents that could not share the joy of seeing their sons and daughters get hitched with their chosen ones that they love. There are gays and lesbians who can now clearly worry over whether they or their long term partners have the right to attend to any emergencies or even life and death situations. This has been a repeated pattern as I see it, and it happened once again when the imbecilic religious right of America again took away the rights of LGBT citizens to be united in love and all of its wondrous splendor.

I feel so ashamed to be associated with Christians more so now than ever before. I have seen a campaign spiked with hatred and bigotry. Most everything they say are pure lies, aiming to misinform people. They clearly misrepresented a sexual minority that just wants to love. Their arguments are nothing but a chalice of lies, fabrication and distortion. I have never seen such a dark side of Christianity so evil that is bent on invalidating the existence of human beings designated to love, just because they cannot tolerate the idea that homosexuality in the Bible is no longer homosexuality in real life today.

I shed tears for Maine, and take the fall with them. Simply because I know there are no justifications in denying people the need to love. They are not animals, or objects. They are grown adults who know very well who they are and who they wish to spend their lives with. There are also individuals who are also Christians who do not share the kind of idiocy these extremists brings. And there are non-Christians too who would never again see Christ the same way again after this. The atrocious false witnesses have won nothing but tears from people denied their destinies to love. They have won a simple vote of something that should not be put into vote in the first place. These fundamentalists won nothing but satisfaction, a claim to a false God they profess to worship. And LGBTS lost their futures with their love.

And I know tears will flow. Hugs will be given. Sorrow prevails. Great grief takes over. I do not know how to take any positives out of this situation. Perhaps, one day we shall look back on this day with disdain.

I have never seen such sorry excuse from humanity. Literally talking bad and shit about the innocent, while upholding nothing but a stupendous hierarchy. Blatant acts of inflicting hurt on people or such demonization of other people’s love relationships. I shall never see Christian faith the same way again.

Read other thoughts and feelings on the defeat in Maine at Good As You, and commentary from Jim Burroway of Box Turtle Bulletin about The Day After Election Day.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Transvestite Diva?!

This piece of news was on The Star today and sourced from The Daily Chili. I read this news today and I go, what?!

Japanese television host Haruna Ai, 37, is the new global transvestite diva.

She was crowned “Miss International Queen 2009” at the beauty pageant for transsexuals in Pattaya, Thailand over the weekend. (emphasis mine)

We can see here that the standard of vocabulary in Malaysia is exceptionally poor, especially when addressing transgenders, incredibly when transvestite and transsexual mean two totally different things.

And what is with the “transvestite diva” thingy? Do we call Miss Universe winners “slutty bimbos”?

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Living Leona: Sex.

As promised, the first in a series of previous archived blog entries by Leona Lo, a good person I am proud to call friend. I have always found her words to be direct and thoughtful in nature and respect her tremendously as a writer. In this brief post: She explores the taboo subject for most transsexuals: Sex.

Sex. For too long it has been a "taboo" subject for transsexual women. As a result, we have been subjected to either caricaturisation in the mainstream media or prurient debates on our body parts. Some of us have gone to the extreme of pandering to voyeuristic stereotypes of the tranny performer, playing to the hype of the transgender goddess, while others have fallen prey to tranny chasers who enjoy the secret thrill of having sex with a strikingly tall and attractive transsexual. Regardless of the approach - the end result is the same: we have been ruthlessly and relentless exploited to fulfil the warped sexual fantasies of men.

Sex. We too crave sexual fulfilment. And it's time for us to be fulfilled on our terms. I don't know who you are or where you are, but it's ok to have sexual desires. it's ok to want to look attractive. Sex is only "dirty" when they say you shouldn't enjoy it on your terms.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Two Months Ago: Another Transgender Found Dead.

This news was on the Malay newspapers like Utusan Melayu, but there were hardly any reports of this on the English dailies, except for a small mention here in the Malay Mail. This happened last August 24th, while we were preparing for our national day celebrations. And this should make it three press reported transgender deaths in Malaysia, and as I found out last weekend, many do go by unreported in the media.

It seems when the body was found she passed as a female, therefore there were no questions as to who she is. And since she does appear female, it is probably safe to say she is a classic transsexual female. Until of course when they realized by fingerprints that she was a “male” they prefer to categorize her in the wrong gender. She was a regular drop-in at the PT Foundation transsexual programme centre and from there I can confirm that she is post-SRS. Even the people at the TS programme found it disturbing.

My emotions ran very high when I came to know about this at the centre last weekend. It is already very saddening that she had to endure a life full of challenges as a transsexual female, but she ended up getting killed while being just who she is. And even in her grave, she has to endure more insults by being addressed with the wrong pronouns, her identity mis-gendered and being called even in the title of the news, "man in woman’s clothes". It was not a nice way to die, to have her lifeless body chucked into a pool. Instead of letting her rest in peace, the press in Malaysia still wish to conform to their retarded ignorant dogma.

It was only about two months back that she died. But she will be remembered. And many more of us will stand up and tell the world: We exist. We deserve life. Stop disrespecting the dead. And stop the killing.

(The story is amended to reflect the correct gender identity of the victim. Please support TDOR 2009)

Body of transgender woman identified

THE body of a transgender woman found inside a water retention pond at Jalan Air Tawar, Air Panas in Setapak two days ago, has been identified as Kanan a/p Muthiah @ Suppiah.

The 42-year -old transsexual female with shoulder length hair was identified from her fingerprints as her personal documents were missing. Sentul district police chief ACP Zakaria Pagan said her last known address was 282-B, Batu 21/2, Jalan Ipoh, Kuala Lumpur.

When police conducted a check at the house, it was occupied by a family that does not know anything about her.

“We are urging her family members or friends to come forward to facilitate police investigations into her murder. So far nobody has come forward with any information,” Zakaria said.

Those who have information about her or the murder can contact ASP Aziz of the Sentul district police headquarters on 03-2610 2222 or 019-9280024.

On Monday evening, the trans woman's body — clad in a blue T-shirt and a purple dress — was found floating by an angler who went fishing at the pond.

Police believe she was murdered elsewhere and dumped into the pond.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Ten Things I Think Of First In The Morning.

I checked on it this morning, and it is something to examine myself with. So here it goes:

1) My handphone – Is it on snooze?
2) My lamp – Is my lamplight still on?
3) My handphone – Surfing the net to check e-mails, news and new blog and website posts.
4) My work – What is there to complete today, and about work outstanding since yesterday.
5) My bathroom – I really should clean it up because it is starting to get dirty, I cannot stand it.
6) My time – I must complete my time in the bathroom within 10 minutes or I will be late.
7) My breakfast – What and where should I pack today; deciding between a light meal and rice.
8) My presentation – What should I wear to the office today and should I put on my make up.
9) My room – Did I leave anything behind; making sure the air-conditioning and lights are off.
10) My path – Which way should I get to work; fast path with toll or slow path without toll.

I wonder whether everyone's list is almost similar to mine? ^.^

Friday, October 16, 2009

Loving God Means Loving Me.

I have spent a lot of years in my life chanting “amen” from my mouth and praying every day during my teens, enthusiastically seeking the everlasting God, my Abba Father. Looking for His will, I discovered this:

I asked God for success in my education.
I asked God to get me a girlfriend that I shall get married to.
I asked God to make me handsome.
I asked God to grant me a masculine body.
I asked God for a great job.

Goodness, I asked God for almost everything in my life.

Mostly, I even asked God to change my gender to match my sex, so that I may be normal in society's eyes.

He did not answer a single prayer above.

If somewhat miracles do happen, I somehow knew it was me who wanted to believe it, not God’s work.

So I stopped praying and retracted my "amen".

After that, God answered and fulfilled my real needs. He even accepted me as His daughter.

Later, I asked God why He did not answer me the last time, but He answered me now.

He said it is because when I asked for all those things, I did not love myself. I wanted all those things so that I could love myself more, wanting acceptance from friends, longing for approval from Him.

But when I stopped asking, I started finding ways to love myself more, and as I let myself be, I grow.

If I do not love myself, how do I claim to love God? If I have to ask God’s help for my friends to take me in, then who is God? So when I started loving myself, He can work on me, to make me really complete.

From that point, God gave me all the opportunities to be who I am as a female, rather than a plastic boy.

Earlier this week, I let my pal Catherine have a look at my photo during my boy-acting days. She was shocked. “You look so much better now”! I smiled. Because I knew it was already written, I am and shall be, a woman. God never forsaken me. It was I who forsake myself the last time.

My most beautiful days came, because I know love. It is easy claim prayer and say "amen". It is very difficult to realise that "amen" only happens when you let things be, and prayer is not supposed to be self-serving but for the benefit and truth to mankind for everyboy's happiness and well being. The only point of prayer and "amen", is to love people as God made them, as you love yourself. There will always be friends and false witnesses around to lead you astray. People always want what validates their own sense of self. God always want what validates our existence especially in the capacity of love. We all should just let LOVE be our guide.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Video: Secret.

One of the funniest stuff I have seen this past year. I really have a new appreciation for Adam Sandler. Except for some stupid and disgusting moves on his movies, he really makes us laugh!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Finding Peace.

I am not at peace with myself. I guess that is one thing I need to settle. Problems of the heart are so difficult to solve. The stress of it gives me so much pain; some physical and some emotional. It causes my migraines, headaches, arrhythmias as much as it causes my breakdowns, tantrums and irrational behavior. This morning alone, a few things happened. I am already under pressure to come to work early, so when I am late again and I have to spend a bit on a missing car plate before arriving to the office it is hurting that my direct boss is so sarcastic about it. Someone went the wrong way of traffic and still point a middle finger at me as though I am in the wrong. My father and I had another argument again. And my anti-depressants are affecting my job, as I discovered after talking to my big, big boss.

Am I so weak? Why do I crumble so easily? Why am I so upset? Why am I so angry? Things and situations can affect me so much. Even the mention of my husband is enough to get my blood pressure rising so fast no medication can stop it. And yes, medication. I have become a medication junkie. There has not been one day I have spent that is not supported by pills since my husband left me. Why am I such a weakling? When can I face life with the toughness I have seen in my other sisters? How do I achieve peace in my heart. I feel so sick, so bad, so frustrated, so lonely right now. I need to find a solution to these matters of the heart soon or I would probably lose my job, my friends or worst of all, lose my life.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Star Acknowledges Transwomen, Then Trashes Them Again.

After publishing a series of thoughtful and educational articles regarding transgenders last Sunday on StarMag, The Star is back at their usual ignorant best by publishing an article riddled with poorly defined male pronouns and addressing an obvious transsexual as a transvestite (crossdresser).

KUALA TERENGGANU: A transvestite has resolved to start life anew away from prostitution after a painful fall left him bedridden for a few months.

The 30-year-old, who called himself Farisha, was with a group of transvestites at the Jalan Petani flats here early Saturday morning when a parang-wielding man ran amok.

It is learnt that the man went berserk at about 2.30am because of a strained relationship with one of the transvestites in the group.

The transvestites ran helter-skelter to escape the man.

Farisha slipped and fell 30m from the second floor of the flat.

He sustained a serious rupture on the spinal cord and fractured his left leg. Doctors said he needed several months to recover.

When met at his home in Kampung Paya Bunga here, Farisha admitted that he had gone to the flats to wait for clients.

“It was sheer bad luck. I was not supposed to be there because I had already finished my ‘duty’, but I decided to hang around with the others,” he said in a sombre voice yesterday.

Farisha had been reluctant to be interviewed at first, saying the public would not sympathise with someone like him and his occupation.

He said he had always known he was a girl trapped inside a boy’s body.

“I am fond of using female clothing. I get infatuated with guys,” he said.

He said he found it difficult to obtain jobs because “people found me too soft, too girly.”

“I took to selling my body. I have to care for my aging mother who lives with me,” he said, adding he could earn up to RM50 a day by entertaining clients, mostly youths.

His said his three elder siblings were also facing financial difficulties, and the family had lost touch with another brother after he left to work in Kuala Lumpur.

Farisha said he worked briefly in London and Sydney as a striptease artiste, hoping to earn enough to start a business.

However, he claimed the money was exhausted after he spent it for his mother’s treatment. His mother, Haminah Mat, 69, had come down with a serious ailment a few years ago.

After his recovery, Farisha said he hoped to work as a model or a deejay.

“All I ask is to be given a chance. Don’t look at me as a strange creature, but instead, see what I can do,” he said.

Look through it, as The Star insisted on presenting the already badly injured lady as a "male" to the world. Observe the wordings used in bold, like the word “claimed” to imply that she may be lying and not trustable with her statements and that "his" name to describe her identity is not real; worst of all demonizing her again and again calling her a transvestite.

It is so ironic. Among the brilliant articles last Sunday, it includes one on the correct terminologies to use when describing transgenders. It is so unfortunate that while they went their way to educate the public, they fail to educate themselves. Or perhaps writer R.S.N. Murali should take a peek at Sunday’s stories about trans people before jumping in and insultingly refuse to acknowledge their gender identity? I really wonder if The Star is seriously attempting to prove themselves the backward people’s paper, or they are just are too foolish and have no integrity in reporting. Perhaps the “man” R.S.N. Murali would like me to address her as, well her? Because today "he" has invalidated our womenhood with his narrow bigoted mind.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Some Unpleasant News Regarding My Estranged Husband.

This came in today on the commentary section of my older post about my husband and Jehovah's Witnesses:

Robbie/Rachel was picked up by the health department of Darwin. They were in shock because Robbie/Rachel was stuck in the wheel chair...the flesh and the chair had grown together as one. He had to be airlifted to a special hospital. Sam was not allowed near Robbie for a while. Not sure what the update on either is now. Authorities were called because we felt concern for Robbie's safety. It seems Sam had been taking Robbie's government checks and spending it on other things besides on Robbie's care. The government is trying to track his spending.

I find this very disturbing. Robbie/Rachel (Sam's ex-wife who is a trans woman inflicted with cerebral palsy) was supposed to be the only friend Sam's got left. I must admit I am worried for both of them. I am already prepared to reject looking backwards and stare forward into my new life, but the mystery surrounding Sam whom the last time I spoke to him was still hooked on UFOs and Hopi Prophecies, continues to bother me a lot. The rational man I married is getting more and more distant in my memory and what is left are bits and pieces that are unexplained. Was his rodent business failing? Was it Rachel's money (that he claimed was used to pay the rent) actually spent on me? What happened when our housemate left? Where is Sam right now?

His website is no longer active and his personal blogsite has not been updated for more than a year, his last post being about UFOs. He should have gotten a chunk off the money he placed on my operation back, and he was doing fine with his rodent business when I left back to Malaysia. I do not know. My world collapsed after he dumped me in Thailand. And I do not know what to do with this emotional baggage. I mean, whatever happens, even with mightiest of promises he broke, I only have one husband. But I am confused, as what Sam told me was that the Darwin government was doing a bad job for his ex-wife, which was why she was staying with us. And we are not divorced yet.

I hope this is not a practical joke. I appeal to "Lex Talionis", whose blogger profile is disabled, and the rest like "damn right" and "Acquaintance of Sam", to please come forward and tell me more on what is going on right now. I came so far to let him go and out of my life to move on, but I find this situation confusing. Yes, I do hate him for what he had done to me, but he is the only man I ever once loved.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

While We Are Living, We Never Realize How Minute We Are.

At times, even as we seek faith to feed our emotional needs, the evidence and reality of something bigger, so much bigger and light years beyond our wildest imagination had always been there. What do you do, when in the end we are nothings. We may boast of a great Islamic God or a mighty Christ Jesus, we may be proud to be part of the biggest nation in the world or someday one of us may even hold the key to control the earth, whether in economic or political terms. One of us may even be the richest human being in the world. But then thinking about this: we are but a tiny mega-micro planet in a huge space of tenths of billions of light years with stars; now every single thing fades away into irrelevance and obscurity. Everything; and every single noise here ends up just silent in space, and all the struggles we face just seems buried underneath all the stars above, all the movement here, from violence to actions from religious extremists, they become invalidated by space out there. And if the earth is swallowed by a black hole tomorrow, the universe would not bother, while all that we believe as the human race gets swallowed in too. If you really listen at night, looking up; though small, you feel there is a kind of peace.

It reminds you that while the world is big, it is still a speck of dust among galaxies. For every world that ends, one is born. We are insignificant to the universe, but at least we are witnesses to it.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Some Random Thoughts In My Mind.

Malaysia is a backward country. I am proud of most of Malaysia, I really am. But it does seem to me in the eyes of most of this country, I am a “neither here nor there” or “it”; or worse a “boy” who dresses up as a girl. All my life I since I was born I knew I was different, I knew I am a girl. I knew I am not a normal girl. What I did not know was how difficult most of society would find to accept me, or even come to terms with who I am. And terms like “woman trapped in a man’s body” are so alien to me. More than a third of me am female, still I do not understand why the wrong descriptions are used. Let alone the labels.

Trans 101 is not difficult to understand, unless you do not wish to think about it. It is tiring to explain to people on this condition I am born with, especially when people still are fixated on a sex organ as the marker for gender. And a reassignment surgery is called “mutilation” by narrow-minded individuals, without realizing how cancerous something that does not belong to your body is to your soul. Many do not understand the intense distress I have waking up in the morning knowing exactly my person, and the struggles to get the reflection on the mirror to represent who I am correctly. I have a very hard life.

Yes, my life is supremely difficult. That shows it is not a choice that I am born a female this way. From what I have learnt, I know how to answer all the questions about me. But when some bigoted individuals cannot answer me in the light of reality and science, they use their belief and religious faith to get an extra mileage on the discussion. However, there lies the problem. Now that what you see in front of you, is an existing being and the truth that other possibilities can happen on sex and gender, and that you can examine me in the strictest of scrutiny as possible and still find me real; how are you going mold me back into your books? How are you going to get the sun to travel around the earth because the Bible says so?

I have nothing against anyone. I respect every individual. I do not discriminate anyone or harm anybody. So when I hear again and again the same echo-holic chamber members resounding the same fallacious arguments, with the same stubbornness to listen and accept, the same remarks that are a long way in describing who I am; it really makes me dizzy. I just want to let myself go, leave it and let live and move forward in life. I do not expect life to give me an easy time, but it is okay, that is life anyway. What I am asking for is the decency to know me, the pure me, before you judge me; eventhough your opinions on my sexual identity may be irrelevant, then at least treat me with the same measure of humanity that I share with you and everyone.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

What's On Yuki's Mind: Stress, De-stress And No Stress.

I noticed there is still a steady stream of visitors to my ranting space here, and I would like to thank everyone for letting me be part of your lives. I realized I have not been blogging for almost ten days now, and in the blogosphere it is a very long time. I have been under tremendous stress lately, which stems from my job and my environment. I do admit too that I am developing an obsession for my work and my weight, and both come with specific line of targets. I also noticed I am getting messy and clumsy, and having a bad sinus infection going towards last weekend did not help. I also banged the sides of my car twice while going to the parking area of my office these past 2 weeks. Yes, it has been a bad 2 weeks.

I will attempt to put Leona’s slot in soon too, and I do apologize for not doing that last week as I had to rest at home. Having read her latest blog entry in regards to the benign cyst within her breast, a lot of worries came to mind. As a transsexual female, I would face the same risks and challenges, and I do admit that my lifestyle habits like consuming alcohol places me in a position where danger lurks in the future. And I have very little cash to do regular medical checkups. But I guess in the end, moving on with life with a positive mind helps, and it starts by getting stress out of my life. And of course, exercise and water is always essential.

I never let situations bog me down before, and life does attempt to knock me down again and again. However, I should remind myself that I am still standing. Many would not stand by me, but at least I would learn how to stand alone. I am not exactly everyone’s favourite person, and as a transsexual there will often be bias, even from some quarters of the LGBT community. But looking at the mirror, if there are transsexual lives to affirm or to save, the first one should be the girl on the reflection. I should also recognize that stress kills. Because just like you are what you eat, you also are what you think. Having said that, I am not going to let all these situations keep me down. I will get on up, and keep on moving, as I always will.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

"Living Leona" On The Box Of Chocolates.

I am pleased to announce that starting from this weekend (with permission from Leona Lo), I will be publishing Leona Lo’s articles and writings from her archived past blog site and media as a weekender edition here at Yuki’s Box Of Chocolates for the benefit of transgenders especially transsexuals here in Malaysia. “Living Leona” would be a selection of Leona Lo’s thought provoking and sensitive expressions in words. I share her views on most issues pertaining to our community. I am proud to be her friend. :- )

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Best From The Archives Of "The Journey Of Yuki" - Dr. Andrea Macari On The Ex-Gay Myth.

"Reparative pseudo-therapy (ex-gay ministries) is based on no science whatsoever", says Dr. Andrea Macari, a leading authorative source in psychology.

"It is essential that if you are gay, you go to a therapist who is trained in dealing with these types of issues, who has a clear understanding of where they stand when it comes to issues of sexual orientation. Otherwise you have the person's own stigma, own prejudices, coming in the way of your therapy and that is the last thing you want to do."

Question and Think next time you plan to bring someone (or someone asks you) to go to an ex-gay ministry or a reparative therapist.

Which is myth and which is truth? Just one example will do.

The American Academy of Pediatrics
The American Counseling Association
The American Psychiatric Association
The American Psychological Association
The National Association of School Psychologists
The National Association of Social Workers
and others:

"477,000 health and mental health professionals, have all taken the position that homosexuality is not a mental disorder, and thus there is no need for a “cure.” "

"the idea that homosexuality is a mental disorder, or that the emergence of same-gender sexual desires among some adolescents is in any way abnormal or mentally unhealthy, has no support among health and mental health professional organizations."

This is the current medical and scientific psychological opinion.

Ex-gay ministries would have you believe that this is created by a pro-gay "agenda". It is so easy to believe them if you share their dogmatic musings and shallow minds.

But think for a moment, would it be much easier for about 95% of the heterosexual population of the world to pressure these medical professionals to change the stance?

Even the 35% percent of the Christian population of the world could do that, right?

But no, there is no "agenda" that created such strong stance from these experts of their field; it is born of decades of pure peer reviewed research and studies. Even the 1,000 plus NARTH tried to change this last year by annoying the American Psychological Association (APA) but unfortunately they would not budge.

Because everyone now knows this is the TRUTH.

"As these statements make clear, health and mental health professional organizations do not support efforts to change young people’s sexual orientation through “reparative therapy” and have raised serious concerns about its potential to do harm."

Check out stories on Beyond Ex-Gay on those who have gone through ex-gay ministries and other reparative therapy methods and survived the experience. Some are even the former leaders of such ministries in the past, but had made public apologies since. Maybe it is time for the current leaders to admit their white lies.

Published in "The Journey Of Yuki" on Friday, May 2, 2008

New Update:

In a latest resolution by the American Psychological Association (APA), after reviewing most all the evidences and researches from all sides throughout the decades, the APA now strongly uphold this:

Please read the brief on this at XGW.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

What's On Yuki's Mind: Ex-Transgender? Serious?!

Seriously, I do not mean to tease, but I really spent a good few minutes laughing like a mad woman who came out from some hidden jungle when Edmund Smith (ex-gay ministry, RLM) started using the term ex-transgender few months back. It was just so insane thinking about it. I mean how do you EX an internal condition? How do you fix Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome? How to you cure 5-Alpha Reductase Deficiency? And how the heck do you deal with Hermaphrodism? It is so crazy that for a person who does not know differences between sex and gender, having zero knowledge on Harry Benjamin Syndrome; he would claim to be ex-transgender, without realising that gender cannot be ex-ed! It is like saying I am ex-hearted (for sex) or ex-hungry (for gender). LOL. This thingy has become a nice joke whenever I need one!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Doraemon.

I was given a Doraemon plush toy by my lady boss last month, and he has been with me for almost a month now. He kept me in comfort when I sleep at night, and I wish it happy resting before I go to work. I was deprived of any plush toys when I was young by my parents who feared that I would turn out into a female side they are ashamed of. When I received presents for Christmas, it was always in the form of something like CDs and mugs. Nothing to do with my gender identity. On birthdays, my gifts were getting more and more stereotypically male from my younger days till my last big birthday party a few years ago, from a He-Man toy to a Manchester United jersey. Nothing to do with my gender identity. So when the Doraemon spent his first nights with me, memories flood back to those days between my childhood years until the time I came out again. How I cried and cried when my mom denied me a teddy bear, to the time I was coerced into destroying my Debbie Gibson and Tiffany cassette tapes by church members. How much of time I have lived away from my real self. A girl that nobody wants in their world. When the anti-gay and "ex-gay" Real Love Ministry appeared in my life, I was given the choice again. Their false choice is one of complete ignorance to my being, and invalidating my life's existence. My choice is to live in honesty and integrity as who I am, as who God made me to be.

His girl. A lady. And now with a Doraemon plush toy to boot.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Job Vacancies At Animation International (Malaysia) Sdn Bhd.

Vacancies are available at this great organization.

Do spread the word around about promising careers there.


Animation International (M) Sdn Bhd represents Doraemon, Crayon Shin Chan and a host of other Japanese anime cartoon characters. We provide the rights for customers to use our distinguished cartoon characters for their merchandizing, promotions, advertising and events in Malaysia. We are currently looking for new members to join our exciting and dynamic team in the following capacities:


. Secondary education.
. 18 years old.

. Work in a team environment without politicking.
. Converse, read and write in English.

. Communicate in Chinese dialects.
. Neat and organized.

. Immediately / short notice.


. Secondary education.
. 18 years old.
. 1-2 years sales experience.

. Work in a team environment without politicking.
. Work under pressure.
. Converse, read and write in English.
. Own transport.
. Travel occasionally.
. Use spreadsheets.
. Use personal computers.

. Communicate in Chinese dialects.
. Some internet knowledge.
. Peasant disposition.

. Immediately / short notice.


. Secondary education.
. 1-2 years marketing experience.
. 18 years old.

. Multitask.
. Work in a team environment without politicking.
. Work under pressure.
. Converse, read and write in English.
. Own transport.
. Travel occasionally.
. Use PowerPoint.
. Use personal computers.

. Communicate in Chinese dialects.
. Some knowledge in creation of proposals.
. Some knowledge of personal computers.

. Immediately / short notice.

Emcee for Events (part-time)

. Work in a team environment without politicking.
. Converse, read and write in English.
. Speak eloquently and articulately.
. Travel occasionally.

. Good rapport among children alongside adults.

Only shortlisted candidates would be notified for the interview.

All successful applicants will be based at Solaris, Mon't Kiara.

Salary package for successful applicants would be at the good discretion of the management.

Please e-mail your applications and resumes to Ms. Chong:

or fax to: (603) 6203 6820.

Friday, August 14, 2009

A Lesser Malaysian?

Listening to all the recent 1Malaysia songs really get me annoyed. I mean, can I be who I am and still be part of this country? Again I stress, I have a medical condition. Unfortunately, almost zero doctors in Malaysia know anything about Harry Benjamin Syndrome or transsexualism. I am recognized as a male, even though medically I am a female, and should be recognized as one. I face some risk of rape, violence and death in this country. There is no education to inform the public about a person like me. Religion is often used as means to damn me and lead me away from what is real. Science in Malaysia has fallen so far back I do not exist yet. Then add the prejudice, bigotry and discrimination. Am I less of a Malaysian?

Yuki's Choice Reading:
Harry Benjamin Syndrome: Standard Of Care.
American Psychological Association: Transgenders.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Do Not Complain If You Have Shortages In Your Blood Bank... It Is You People Who Ask Us To Stay Away... Anyway....

It is one thing for the medical field in this country to be totally ignorant and unknowledgeable about transsexualism. But with already strong three decades of research and findings on HIV/AIDS and a host of other sexually transmitted diseases, we would have thought Malaysia would know better. So when I saw an advertisement while I was having dinner at Damansara, which asked people to donate blood, some of the requirements were really ridiculous, and affirms Malaysia’s reputation of being backwards.

I run some checks in the net; it rings true through all blood donation drives. No homosexual relationships and bisexual relationships allowed. You are simply not eligible to donate blood if you are attracted to the same sex or both. Take this as an example from UM Medical Centre.

This kind of thinking, that by default, being same-sex attracted is somehow an automatic license to getting tainted blood in your body is completely stupid and archaic, and shows just how much medical professionals here know about HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. That means, in their estimation, a homosexual in a monogamous relationship with a partner is liable to get diseases in a way equivalent to heterosexuals having multiple sexual partners. It also means that a bisexual person like me, who dislikes sex, have automatic dirty blood, that because of my attractions, my blood is of lesser quality than norm.

And for those homosexual women and lesbians (whom from some of my friends, most hate needles and seeing blood anyway), the only group that poses the most less risk of contracting any sexually transmitted diseases if they do have sex, are also included in this exclusive group of having instant bad blood just because they happen to be same-sex attracted. This thinking stinks of idiotic biased dogmas.

In any case, my blood is unfortunately clean as a transsexual. But I do not qualify because I am on medication. So I am happy to forget about ever donating blood. Many homosexuals I know who obsess about their health so much so that they are healthier than normal heterosexual men, and hardly have sex, well they would not bother donating blood anyway, and not that they care. The homosexual groups I know worry about diseases far more so than their hetero opposites. So, what a waste of “natural resources” for Malaysia. Thank you Malaysia for discrimination. You deserve no good blood from us.


Friday, August 7, 2009

The Star Newspaper Dishonours Murdered Transwoman.

I was feeling low the past couple of weeks with some deaths around my life. But I could not let this news pass by without saying something: Another transwoman has been murdered a couple of weeks back. The article was written again with indignant attitudes towards a transwoman who is already dead. I made some correct adjustments. The original poorly written article can be read here.

Transsexual woman dies after fight with customer

An Indonesian transwoman died 12 hours after a fight with her “customer” who had refused to pay for services rendered.

The 27-year-old transsexual, whose identity was withheld, was found in a pool of blood by a security guard at the ground floor foyer of Komtar at 4am on Thursday.

She died at the Penang Hospital due to head injuries. Police said the post-mortem revealed that the victim, who had undergone a sex operation, died from multiple blows to the head with a hard object.

George Town OCPD Asst Comm Azam Abd Hamid said the transwoman was also robbed of her valuables and personal documents.

The Star, as NST had done before, once again displayed a total lack of journalistic integrity by calling an already post-operated transsexual woman with male pronouns and identified her as a “transvestite”. The least they can do if they are too ignorant to learn about the correct terms is to use the word transgender. But no, they had to antagonize an already dead woman by identifying her as a crossdresser.

It is like calling The Star, a national paper, out as a tabloid paper, which apparently would still be true considering they had shrunk down to the level of one; by over-obsessing over her “services”, keeping silent on her identity, pool of blood talk, her surgery, how she died, was robbed of everything important to her… hey, what about the murderer? No mention of how the killer look like? No leads? Or it is okay that the murderer got away…. And based on the style of this article, we can safely conclude that The Star lacks English vocabulary, have some confused general knowledge, and discriminates minorities.

It saddens me to add one more item to the list for Transgender Day Of Remembrance. This is the second reported murder in Malaysia. I shudder to think how many of us died unreported, and unknown.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Shah Alam, And Some Parts Of Selangor May Be Going Beer-less.

Having resided in Selangor for so many years, from Sunway City to Damansara Utama, it is news like this that makes me faint. Before I say any further, please let it be put into record that when I attempted to renew my Identification Card at Shah Alam, I was turned away and was not allowed to do so unless I cut my hair. And the officers have this aura of king-hoods about them. Yikes! The main city of Selangor contains such village mentality and vision? You bet! Then when I had done it at Damansara, everything was so smooth and the officers there were oh so friendly. The spirit of Malaysia seemed to be divided around.

Anyway, fast forward to the recent news of the raid at a 7-Eleven outlet in Section 8, Shah Alam in which 70 cans of beer were seized, I must say this: this can only happen in very few countries. And Malaysia is one of them! Now, the odd thing is that the raid was done by the Municipal Council. It was reported that the decision was made during the council's meeting. So alcohol is banned? Nope. That was why they later returned the beer cans back to the shop. It was after many leaders came up to speak out against the “raid”. It was never going to stop there. The state then decided to regulate the sales of alcohol in the state, courtesy of the State Minister Tan Sri Khalid Ibrahim. Wonderful! Very soon, only Non-Muslims can touch beer cans now. Maybe?

And currently, we have an extremist from PAS, a religious party which in part forms the opposition party of Malaysia, Pakatan Rakyat: Datuk Dr Hassan Ali, who wants alcoholic beverages to be toed in line with the Syariah Enactment (a Muslim guideline). He also wants his DAP colleague to be removed from the government portfolio for meddling in the affairs of… the government collective itself. It gets even gets more insane when he requests establishments like 7-Eleven to bend their backs because there may be a “surau”, a Muslim prayer room, nearby. Now that we have the story, let us get to the thinking point of the issues.

This is in no way saying alcohol is good or bad. However, if taken in moderation, it is indeed good for health. Even some medications or lotions have alcohol in them. Doctors, yes even Muslim doctors, is exposed to alcohol all the time. So the reason why beer is so bad and will cause social ills is because of its alcohol on top of its barley content? I thought the only religious issue is the fear of “berkhayal”, or hallucinating? But hey, cigarettes contain drugs, but they are selling it anyway and many Malaysians are buying it regardless of race and religion. So that means there is nothing wrong with alcohol and everything else is subject to interpretation, and that includes drugs like nicotine.

Another matter of concern here is the so-called “residents” and their councilors who supposedly asked the Shah Alam Municipal Council to take action. Erm, so who are they? All I can hear is a PAS nutcase borrowing the strength of the word “residents” in order to do moral policing and control his own people. And most of all, he forgot us Non-Muslims, are also his people. Yep, let us remind him; we elected the opposition in order to wrestle the state away from the federal government who did not do their jobs for the state. We voted for change. So this is the change we are getting? Come on, grow up Mr. Hassan Ali.

And to add salt to our wounds, we Non-Muslims, are to go non-Muslim majority areas to get a decent beer. That means we have to drive out, or if we are staying there, move out. That means Mr. Hassan Ali’s suggestion not only discriminates against Muslims, he has silently advocated separation of Chinese and Indians, with Malay Muslims, which is contrary to 1Malaysia. Because if Muslims cannot touch a harmless can of beer (while smoking away), is it not obvious it will make Muslims lesser applicants for convenience shop jobs? It is no wonder then, that I see a lot of foreign workers at KK marts everywhere.

One rule for Muslims. One rule for Non-Muslims. The mixture of religion into the state. Indoctrinate and control your own people. Separate and alienate others. That is Malaysia today. Oh yes, it may turn into the only country in which convenience shops will transform into inconvenience shops if you wish to have a nice cold beer after an already hard day at work.

Yuki's Choice Reading:
Other opinions on the issue by Hafidz Baharom and Wong Chun Wai.

Friday, July 31, 2009

This Is What Bigotry And Prejudice Looks Like.

In today’s Star newspaper, at the Opinions column, I noticed this letter written in by Saw Wee Leong from Shah Alam, Selangor. Saw claims that the conditions of Berjaya Park has deteriorated since 2001. And the situation is getting out of control. He feels the residents are now “prisoners” in their own homes, and a menace is out and about the place now, in place of residents roaming around it.

The person calls the menace; foreign workers. And what will happen if this menace is unguarded?

Social illnesses, diseases, etc, brought in and spread by the foreign workers
are inevitable.

It is amazing how as human beings will continue to view people different than ourselves as "social illnesses” and having some kind of disease. I wonder what is on this letter writer’s mind when he brands the vice of probably a few as the work of Foreign Workers (tm). These totally unjustifiable claims of moral and bodily sicknesses are all norms of course to the transgender, lesbian and gay community in Malaysia, and people are more than willing to agree with these ludicrous statements to confirm their bias, even though most of it is utterly bollocks. And annoyingly of course, by my experience talking to some of the more religious of people, they even invoke the name of God to make their false claims, some even hiding behind their "love".


I am looking forward for the movie District 9. It shows exactly just how hospitable people we are. And the theme is all so common. We do not like people who are different. In this movie, we even discriminate against aliens. A reminder of the idiots we have become in order to exert our superiority over other living beings. If the world ever ends, it would be because of the actions stemming from hate.

Anyway, why not love, love, love?

Thursday, July 30, 2009

What's On Yuki's Mind: How I Feel About Some People Sometimes.

I have a medical condition, and I am not living a “lifestyle” nor have any choice in being who I am.

I am not in denial, why should you be?

If you wish to treat me as who you think I am based on your ignorance, it is fine by me.

I know I am a woman, if I am deluded I would not even realize who I am, or able to function as a human.

I do realize you love to judge people by your obsession with sex organs.

Unfortunately, many things in relations to sex and gender, and even life, are ambiguous.

But of course, you are too lazy to learn, or too deep into your lust of intolerance to even find out.

You even wish to misuse God to justify your bigotry?

You think you know me more than I know myself?

You are even confusing sex and gender, and you wish to tell me how to run my life?

This is me. I am a woman; a different, but a very normal woman.

Live with it; because I am.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Some Positive Developments As Most LGBTs Are Now Aware About Real Love Ministry.

Edmund Smith’s Real Love Ministry (RLM) have lost nearly all its influence on those born comfortable with their sexual orientation here in Malaysia. With his blatant false witness for homosexuals and transgenders using ambiguous information, along with redefining science and social constructs to fit his agenda; Edmund Smith has turned RLM into a heterosexist cult bent on justifying discrimination against homosexuals and transgenders using whatever means, including trying to get gays and lesbians sexually attracted to the opposite sex, and disguising their deception behind "love" and "God". Such miseducation only breeds contempt for those who understand about themselves, same-sex attractions and gender identity.

Lately he started wearing the “ex-transgender” tag (since transgenderism, or gender variance, is mostly a biological condition, I wonder how he “ex-ed” it. I mean, can you be ex-cerebral palsy or ex-A-blood?), after he yet again tarnished the invisible enemies he created called “pro-gays” and using the annoying word “lifestyle” out of context, which until now he still does not know the meaning and as usual twisting its definition to suit his “sermon". As a result, many have become ex-Christians because of him. Lately, sources mentioned that after more than a decade attempting to hijack people's sexual orientation, he only got a handful of “ex-gays”, which he calls people living in celibacy or the “heterosexual lifestyle” (What? So even this is different from “ex-gay lifestyle”? If you find this nauseating, it is because it is dizzying). People now can see and realize from the abysmal results of his "ministry", that his "change" is nothing but a way to make money and gain popularity at the expense homosexuals and transgenders by using societal prejudices against them and victimizing the very people he claims to love by the misuse of God's name.

Ergo, since almost all gays and lesbians with transgenders are now aware of his discriminatory antics, and how he cheats and uses LGBT people for his own gain; he has now adjusted his indoctrination level of parents and friends of LGBTs to full scale parroting of all the wrong stuff about homosexuals and transgenders, misinforming as much of them as possible, using lies and deception to paint homosexuals and transgenders in the most loving worse light possible to gain support from unsuspecting parents and friends of LGBTs. Unfortunately for him, PFLAG Malaysia has now been established, and I will be joining with them soon on ways to lessen the damage he is causing LGBTs in Malaysia. I was wondering to start an ex-gay survivors meet, but I realized that would not be necessary. Very few people are taken in by the snake-oil cure promised by them.

Whatever happens between now and years to come, they will be known among LGBTs as the ugly sister of the ex-gay ministries, and will leave a legacy of pain and hurt as they pronounce damnation of homosexuals and transgenders. And with his own shallow understanding of sexual orientations, his self created idealogy of transgenders that have no bearing in science, also his picking and choosing of information to present, coupled with his refusal to learn the real deal about LGBTS; not many people can relate to Edmund being a gay, as if he was never gay in the first place. If there is one person, and one ministry, that is the fine example of what “Christians” should not be, Edmund Smith and RLM are the definitive examples in Malaysia.

Yuki Choe wishes to thank Raymond and friends from NGOs such as PT Foundation in Malaysia, and several individuals from the Annexe Gallery for helping to keep track and spread awareness of the irresponsible activities of Edmund Smith and his cronies, and also giving me advice and proper channels to educate people on the harmful effects of the medically and scientifically rejected practices of reparative therapy performed by these so-called ex-gay ministries, while offering support to the LGBT community as a whole to affirm and strengthen ties the love for who they are. It is not easy being different, and it is even harder to live with these groups making us victims of their money making and controlling schemes, but it is in these challenges that we shall become better people and live wonderful lives.

There will be more battles ahead, as we tackle the more vile and extremely manipulative ex-gays from "Pursuing Liberty Under Christ".

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Century.

This is the 100th post here. And one year has past since the events of Chonburi unfolded. What a year it has been. But I certainly learnt a lot. And I guess one of the biggest lessons I learnt thus far is to choose relationships wisely. From my husband throwing me out like a dirty diaper to most friends who are uneasy of me, everything is an experience that points out this: not everyone that loves you or likes you, really do. I also realize I love my dad so much, and I have found peace and solace in my being. Of course, there are still the endless series of unfortunate events that happen in my life, but I am handling it better now than I did a year ago. I am thankful for my two incredible bosses who supported me all the way.

I accepted that things are never going to be easy for a transsexual woman like me. People will always assume things about me, and some will think they know me better than I know myself. There are also dumb asses who even after so much proof about the biology of transsexuals, they still turn their ignorant senses away, do not wish to answer valid questions, and pretend to be someone who knows transgenders more than transgenders know themselves, to the point they can become the word “judge”.

I am no longer speaking on behalf of the LGB community and only focus on ex-gay and transgender issues; even then I have so many problems keeping up. I got like 2 articles still unfinished and one big heck of a story coming up for XGW, but did not have time to finish it up or to travel to get the items needed. And as the probation period at my company comes to an end, there is a fear of what will happen to me for my future. At this point, I remember what my friend from Singapore told me before. We only have death to face. So what else is there for us to fear? Which is true. I never thought I would be able to continue my life last year. But here I am, with my 100th post. Wishing everyone, happiness.