Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Something Significant.

Okay, sorry for my disappearance from my own blog these couple of weeks. I had been busy hunting down a place to stay and a job, and I am no longer accessible to an internet ready computer as much as I wish to. I was still around cyber space reading and replying to comments at other sites and here though. But as using my 3G handphone on prepay is expensive to surf with, I could not do that often. But I received some wonderful e-mails that really gave me a lot of encouragement during these times.

I finally secured a place to stay in UEP Subang Jaya, and should have the option of two jobs by tomorrow. I had stayed at Robson Heights previously, where one of the nicest people I ever met let me stay there at his tranquil apartment for a month to heal my wounds from the breakup and also from the pain of missing out on the most beautiful event that could have changed my life completely. So with a place to stay and a job to look forward to, it is almost back to the same old, same old me. So here I am again.

I am not completely out of the woods yet. Whichever job I choose, it would not come with a basic salary, rather a high commission rate. And financially I am without much to feed my fuel tank which would definitely be hungry every few days if I am to go into sales. I have but a few contacts and leads, but as calculated risks go this is my only chance to get myself out of my debts and into my operation again within the next few years. It was when I lost my SRS I realized how important it was.

It seems the Spirit of God is in me as I go through my hurt, and I also have support from friends. As I revisit the last big break up I had years ago, I see nothing but loneliness. Surprisingly this time around, friends have been coming to my aid both emotionally and financially, and some even used their precious time from their schedule to spend it with me knowing my hurt and sorrow. Sadly, there are a handful of my friends that virtually ignore me; instead of care and concern, some judged me and some behaved as if their lives are more significant than mine.

Friends indeed, and these are the kind of times we know who our true friends are. Not those who tried to use the annoying Chinese tradition of “helping me would just do me harm”. Not those who do not even bother to call and ask me if I was okay. But those who endlessly calls to make sure I am fine, giving me ideas to go about surviving, edifying me with emotional strength I need to go on. Again, that is the word. Significance. I learned now, that true friends are made of a quality that defies the inconveniences they may face themselves.

My own personal significance shown by people is also a surprise in my job hunts. Somehow it seems easier for me to get interviews this past two weeks. I wonder why. Some offered me the thought that after I had straightened back my hair I am now more pretty and passable. While others attribute it to more job opportunities in sales, a good many told me that perhaps I changed to a more cultured person from my experiences. Either ways, I am thankful I got to save my car for yet another two months to go to work.

The biggest thanks I must give is really to God. I believe it is true what His inspired Word says, that all things work together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. Since my days in Robson Heights last month I am always in the constant mood of prayer, to talk with Him throughout my journey, to seek Him and His will in my life. Many have come and attempted to cause me to stumble because of my transsexuality. But I praise Him for giving me a strong Spirit in my faith for Him.

It is a hope that I could do one article each for Ex-Gay Watch and Tilted World soon. Without a computer it is really hard to research and write authorative articles, so probably my next articles for these two sites are going to be opinion pieces. There are so many exciting new developments throughout the world for LGBTs by the way, and as the ex-gay ministries are recognized more and more as the fake social construct they are, and with tolerance developing, also as the real truth about LGBTs emerges, we may see significant changes for us in our generation after all.