Wednesday, May 27, 2009


“Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on men” – Thomas Jefferson.

Contrary to claims made by ex-gay groups that there are so-called “thousands and thousands” of ex-gays in the world, I have only met one ex-gay pastor and know of one more ex-gay under his wings. But, the past three years, I have met incredibly, a lot of ex-Christians that came out from the church ministries trying to change them. The ex-gay groups will claim that these ex-Christians did not try or pray hard enough, or fallen into sin again and so forth. But my conversations with them taught me something valuable, these ex-Christians finally knew it deep in their hearts that their sexual orientation is real, and religion is not. They are born gay, but being a Christian is still a choice. And the simple choice of embracing affirmation of self-acceptance makes them better human beings than the person they might just become if they had continued to be Christians.

One day, I visited a potential client at Glad Tidings church in Petaling Jaya, Selangor. This Christianist church houses the hate group Focus On The Family’s Malaysian chapter. While agreeing that this restaurant within this building is a bad idea to promote what we are introducing as an established organization, it was the whole experience of being in the church and talking to a member that shook me. The experience of looking at a “Christian” church again after all these years, and the treatment of the implied “stray” Christian I was receiving for being a transgender. The paranoid eyes, sensitive being, and self-nominated “Christian” that was the person I spoke to, reflected the person I was in the Christian church many years ago when I was still living in a box called the “Church”.

I started living in that box when I was declared a “Christian” at the age of fourteen. I was already having gender identity problems knowing that I am a girl, but for the mutation I have between my thighs. I attended two Methodist Churches, and they knew of my issues almost immediately. On almost all occasions, I was described as a “lost boy” with an “identity crisis”. They made me pray so hard to change I actually did. They pinned the blame on my mother so many times until I actually believed them. They felt listening to Debbie Gibson and Tiffany was the “cause” of my crisis, and I agreed with them to the point I just followed their instructions to burn off all of my cassette tapes. Even though I knew I was different, I suddenly felt that there was something really abnormal and wrong with me, and to make me a better person and for people to respect me, I must “change”.

Fast forward till today, I started to realize that although I am still a Christian, I refuse to adhere myself into a church. The important Christian values that were taught to me when I was young, TO LOVE, is now but a distant memory. All that is left as I see, especially after that visit to Glad Tidings, was a group of people insecure within their own skin and seeking comfort in a higher power to appease them. Most Christianists, as I observed, would believe their pastor as the ultimate authority given by God and their pastor’s every word are as infallible as God’s. The pastor’s interpretation of the Bible becomes God’s Word. They would defend people in the US like James Dobson, all the way to Edmund Smith in Malaysia, even though these people are hardly telling the facts as they distort scientific research. In fact, they have not one scientific backing to their fabricated “truth.”

Especially on the issues of homosexuality, the medical professionals they use do not even qualify for the American Psychological Association. And to shut the doubters, they immediately lay claims of a Gay Agenda™ when there are real truths being revealed. Fabricating an invisible enemy called “pro-gay”, in which its own definition has been modified countless times to fit the mode of misinformation and misrepresentation, they demonize LGBTs by parroting ridiculous claims stretching from a “gay lifestyle” that centers around only on sex as if gays do not have a life, to attempting to paint a picture that LGBTs are dangerous to children and society. When undeniable evidence proves otherwise, these are all dismissed as just part of a gay Agenda™ by these Christianists.

Contrary to the so-called truth Christianists sprout out, Pokaemon is not satanic. SpongeBob is as straight as Big Bird. Teletubbies are, well, Teletubbies. Just think for a moment here, are we really to believe 100% what Christianists claim without questioning one bit? Is the pastor’s mouth as wide as God’s? Are peer-previewed, impartial and unbiased scientific facts to be thrown out, and in its place confirmation bias based pseudo-sciences by discredited “medical” people to be celebrated? Is the fallacious appeals to false authorites in itself, more authoritative then the actual authorities? Are we to be stupid sickos who instead of Love, we preach total invalidation of other people?

These are false witnesses. They lay claim there is not gay gene when the fact is the science is getting close. In the United States, they say that does not matter because it is not important, that the baby can be “cured” before the baby is born because God according to His false witnesses do not want gays. Here in Malaysia, the “no gay gene” argument is used to deny the existence of homosexuals. His false witnesses refuse to reason why would God create even the slightest bump of homosexuality if He disapproves of it. Well, sad to say, they have not found a heterosexual gene either. And with that fact, it opens a can of worms stretching as far back as to: Is it really upbringing that a person can actually be heterosexual? What if the whole world is being brainwashed into a heterosexual supremist ideology? Christian Heterosexual = World Cult?

And if you even bother to think and question “Homosexual = anal sex”, you would know that is the most ridiculous argument against homosexuals when ANYONE, even boys with girls, can do anal sex. And sexual abuses can cause more heterosexuality than homosexuality. The evidence? There are far more, even on pro-rate, sexual abuse cases among heterosexuals, and it causes these people to remain/become heterosexuals, and that is why there are far more heterosexuals than homosexuals on this earth! Does that sound stupid? It is a reasonable argument. But does it not follow a better logic than claims that sexual abuses “create” homosexuals? Sadly some sickos would stick to that argument not because it is the truth, but because they just cannot stand same sex love.

I love Edmund Smith (of the ex-gay Real Love Ministry) because he is the symbol of how ridiculous some self-professed ex-gays-just-because-I-am-married are. (I too have the ability to sleep with both men and women, so does that mean I can “change”?) His claims of being sexually abused by a relative have no police reports attached, arrests or even a slightest evidence to suggest it really happened. He calls himself “ex-transgender” even though he has no history of being out as a transgender. He claims he was disappointed and disillusioned by the “gay lifestyle” because of various break-ups with his boyfriends, but seriously if I knew my guy is sleeping with hundreds of men like he admitted and doing it for money, I would not hesitate to dump him with a slap and a kick on his face.

And the Christianists and ex-gay’s hyperbolic echo chamber just repeats it’s boring cycle again and again: There is something horribly wrong with lesbian, gays and transgenders. We are so deep in our psychosis/gay lifestyle/struggles/sex/whatever that we cannot think and live for ourselves; and we should, and must rely on the help of God according to human beings, unlicensed unprofessional counselors, and pseudo-sciences by doctors that were thrown out of medical governing bodies, to “change” because “change is possible” and “change” makes you better human beings because you all are currently less than one, because we say so out of love with no respect, no understanding, and pure dislike for you.

There was a meeting of paranoid parents and over-concerned friends of LGBTs that was held on the 22nd and 23rd of this month at Full Gospel Assembly (Jalan Kuchai Lama). There will be the usual cast of speakers from ex-gay ministries to a researcher of a non-existent Gay Agenda™. The latter itself is really funny. I have not seen a more organized, institutional international anti-gay machine that is bent on demonizing LGBTs using lies, distortion and deceit, with so much money on its coffers that they can bring the president of the largest ex-gay organization itself, Alan Chambers. Money that can be donated to real people in need, like starving children or single mothers. I have not seen such a vicious syndicate that wish to make LGBTs look like troubled people who create trouble.

But I see no Gay Agenda™. I only see LGBTs wishing to live in freedom to be themselves, to express their love for their loved ones, to worship the God they choose. To live without the threat of violence and hatred everyday in their precious lives. To have their existence validated and their work secure even if they are outed. To live with their partners till death do they part. To just live and let live. Most importantly, to not have to be bullied, and have themselves smeared and graffitied by Christianists and their cronies.

I do not identify as Christian. I am now an ex-Christian. I have seen so much done to defame the LGBTs even when I was a Christian, to make me ashamed. I have even seen an old man cycling to church while the pastor drove a huge car. Seeing the money milked in such manner, I stopped going to church. I am reminded that though I believe in Christ as Our Saviour and Lord, I do not wish to have any ties to institutions with lost priorities, looking for numbers, that hate-mongers against people they are intolerant of. I have seen it in Singapore recently when the social group AWARE was taken over by such badness. Now the largest ex-gay organization in the world has truly landed in Malaysia, ready to make Christians hate the LGBTs sin of existing, while still failing to love in the process. I am against Christianist dogma. I do not want to be stupid. I am definitely not a sicko.

“The clergy converted the simple teachings of Jesus into an engine for enslaving mankind and adulterated by artificial constructions into a contrivance to filch wealth and power to themselves…these clergy, in fact, constitute the real Anti-Christ….”
–Thomas Jefferson.

Sunday, May 24, 2009


You learn so much about friendship by being bedridden for a week with a bad lower back strain.

You have a friend who you called and she is worried enough to call every tom, dick and hairy to look for you to make sure you are okay when you were hit with a sudden lower back attack.

You have two friends who accompanied you to see the doctor and paid for it, then packed some food for you to last a few days. After that, there were no news from them whatsoever until you sms-ed one of them for more assistance, only to be turned away and to be questioned why you are still on medical leave.

You have a friend who called you now and then every couple of days to make sure you are okay.

You have a friend who after you called only once, came to your house and chit chatted with you even though she was rushing for time, buying for you a few reload cards and a packet of rice. Within the one week you were bedridden, she even sms-ed you regularly before bedtime to make sure you are okay.

You stated your intention of wanting to counter voice for the LGBT community via GPRS in regards to an ex-gay seminar, only to be lambasted for it, uncharacteristically accused of “attacking” another friend, having words being put into your mouth, and accused of “passive aggressive behaviour”.

You asked for help from one friend for financial assistance and he asked no questions. This friend has been giving and giving, big and small, for the past three years. A friend to die for. You asked for help from another friend for financial assistance and she said no, even though you know she can, but you already knew that when you asked for help from some people too much, they just get sick of you.

You suddenly received an sms, saying that there is a bottle of distilled water and a packet of chicken rice outside your door. You have a person running around to pack this and that for you when she is around.

You. Yuki. Have. Friends. And “friends”. Or friends? Maybe 'friends'. Whatever. People are different. So are FRIENDS.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Gay Lifestyle™ Exposed: A Manic Day With Yuki Choe!

These are confidential records of the lives of Yuki Choe and her friends, and is the most striking evidence of what the absolutely dirt crazy gay lifestyle is all about. Names of the people involved in this revelation are kept confidential as the blogger risks being sued!

Yuki woke up very tired from a long night’s sleep. It was a Monday, and she has to get to work. Therefore, she went for a lustful teeth brushing and a sexy bath routine, which is part of her gay lifestyle since she was a child. She quickly chose her full clothes to wear to her office, fearing she will be late. (But what the heck, being fashionably late is the foolish lifestyle of a lot of Malaysians). She later got into her car, and has to face another part of the stupid Malaysian lifestyle, people driving like oxi-morons across the highway all around her.

On the way to the office, she thought back about last night. She remembered herself screaming, “More! One more!” Oh, that sensation! Those eleven men were all incredible, all of them handsome hunks. They kept on shooting it in she just could not resist as she held her own body tight. Those men were down with another half more to go. She will cherish that night because it does not come often. Manchester United were nil-two down, and ended up beating Tottenham five-two. That was real sexy football for her. Man Utd! She loves the Barclay's Premier League lifestyle!

She pumped it hard at work the whole day, because the challenging lifestyle of all salespeople is always cold calling, appointments and trying to close the deal. She drank a lot of tea that day, and have to indulge herself in the dirty washroom lifestyle. She also ate at the mamak, a mostly fattening lifestyle of a lot of Malaysians. After a long tongue-licking day at work, before she left the office her straight friend R called. “Where are you?”. “At the office-lar”, she replied (Note: using “lar” at end of sentences is a Chinese Malaysian oriented lifestyle). “Come over (a pub) for a drink”, he invited. She playfully said yes with much delight.

Now drinking beer is the lifestyle of many that are staying in Damansara Uptown. Being a playground for a lot of well off people, she never turns down a chance to drink when people spend her alcohol. Besides alcohol consumption, hugging GRO girls is the proud lifestyle of many married straight men there. One of them came up to her and asked, “How is your lifestyle?” She decided she would leave her lazy lifestyle of sitting on pub chairs. She then stood up and tried to perform her bloody unhealthy lifestyle of dancing while moving away, because he was harassing her. As that guy went away, R asked “Are you gay?” She said “How can I be gay when I do not even like sex?”

After a few drinks, she went home. She climbed up to her room and turned on her lamp-light. She decided enough was enough, and she wanted to do something crazy that night. So after a quick shower, all wet, she quickly rubbed the sweet lotion all over her body. There she was, naked, ready to indulge in her despicable lifestyle. “Hey, everybody does it”, she thought. So she jumped into bed and quickly slept, the most relaxing lifestyle of all human beings in the world. Worst of all, with much utter disgust, it was only 10pm!

Yes, the gay lifestyle is so horrible and menacing!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Me, My Life Now And The Invisible LGBT Community.

Cigarettes: 0 Alchohol: 0

I do find significant improvements to my health these days. But still my financial situation continues to worsen. I have totally lost options for myself, and I do know friends are getting exhausted of me. It is understandable, since I have only risen a bit since last year’s horrendous personal crisis. I feel much better now emotionally, with the occasional anger and bitterness showing as I tackle the cold calling in the office. I am still very much excitable and my blood rate is still running high. I am still struggling.

Financially I am nearly bust again. Sales line is really taking toll on my car because of petrol, along with the fact that I am driving a Proton Wira that is Auto, a terrible car for sales people who are always travelling. SMS-ed some of my friends for help, but as the replies come with either silence or sorry, this time I know I am on my own. I am however, still thankful for the assistance till now, and count them blessings, big or small. I have no right to make my problems, anyone else’s. I am considering the most stupid things to do in order to keep my job. I love my job; I know if I screw up there would not be another opportunity like this.

Yeah, I am on my own. I knew that once I could not gather a counter voice response from the community for an upcoming anti-gay conference. Now the voice of my friend at PT resounds loud and clear to me. There is no semblance of a community in Malaysia. I have not seen one true LGBT activism work towards sensitizing our issues other than Sexualiti Merdeka. Other than that, it is all just plain marketing and parties at clubs. I see myself standing beside images of gay men, lesbian women and transsexuals just living their own lives as they see fit and contented. I see no one beside me now to create awareness, countering dogmatic views from the public and the church, and to fight for a better future for all of us.

It always has been a lone journey, I guess. Everyone would believe their own issues are of most importance, and only speak up according to their own interests and things that relate to them. I have supported and am willing to speak up for all and everyone’s issues pertaining to the LGBT community, to realize that no one bothers about the ex-gay and trans issues I often fight for. It is disappointing. Perhaps it is a reflection on the friends I have now, and the serious trouble I am facing. They have their problems. I have mine. But as I seek to help people all the way I can, I cannot expect anyone to ask me when my last meal will be. That is a question I have to ask me, reply, then settle it myself most of the time. Your life should revolve and concern only yourself.

That is I, not we, and not you but me. And the truth hurts more when it is really L G b... (t)....

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

What’s On Yuki’s Mind: Someday, My Children.

If I ever adopt any children in the future, I pray they do not become Christians. I rather they seek out The Saviour on their own, realizing there is more to our existence in this lifetime. I do not wish my children to be indoctrinated into the values of Christians today because it is no longer a faith, but rather an organized religion bent on getting numbers.

I do not want them to grow up thinking they are on a proud, high and mighty scale because they are Christians. I do not hope to see them paying their own hard earned money without convictions from God but because the church coerced them too. And I do not wish for my children to learn how to hate monger against minorities in guises of love.

I also hope they do not bear false witness against their neighbours, and learn to understand and accept the differences in people instead of believing they are better than some people and they have to right to adjudge other people’s lives by claiming false authority of God. I wish one day they would be like Christ, defending the broken and the humble.

I certainly would not like to see my children grow up behaving like Pharisees, thinking they know what is best for the world instead of just surrendering it to God. And I will be in discomfort the day they hold power in a church and begin to impose their own values, interpreting the Bible as they see fit, turning themselves into idol worshippers of religion.

I just pray with all my might, that they just grow up to be believers and servants of Christ.