Monday, March 30, 2009

The Ring.

Perhaps the Darwin weather was already a sign. You can see the ghost of my ex-husband's hand if you look closely.

Unknown to many and known to some, two weeks ago I had a huge SMS argument with my Extra-Terrestrial obsessed, Jehovah's Witness man going to be ex-husband. Many questions went unanswered by him again, and once he failed to address the issues I presented to him, it was clear that he was lying to me all along about a lot of things. Again, after being unable to answer my queries, he accused me of “abusing” him. Once more, he ran away from the truth.

His advocacy work (which he told me is all he has) has also become questionable since his ET lunacy. Except being self-absorbed and wanting to be famous, he did nothing for the LGBT community. All the man I thought I needed has become the very man any women should avoid. And rising above the blaming games, I take responsibility. I trusted him. I chose him. I married him. I made the bad decision. Big mistake. It is my fault. Now I must start over from square one.

He mentioned that I am disrespectful to his “beliefs” (in UFOs), but unfortunately he is just too blind to see the REALITY of his loving wife's existence which he chose to do away with, and instead takes comfort in the FANTASY of unproven yet and again UFO junky theories that will probably follow him to his lonely grave. Well, he was insanely telling everyone that aliens would come last year. They did not. Before that he kicked me out of his life; perhaps I am now at the end of my misery. 9 months on, today, I proudly kicked away my wedding ring. Feels good.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Yuki's Favourite Things: Omodaka.

What is OMODAKA?
OMODAKA is the name of the project developed through
a trial and error process of mutational fusion of music
and motion graphics. It will knock over your existing
image toward a music video by a beautiful trajectory.

I really like this. Something about this song that is so funky yet so adorable.

yosawya san

And I really like the dancing here! So gracefully done! I feel spirited away by it.


Hat-Tip: My Good Brother, Sam Nasser.

Monday, March 23, 2009

What's On Yuki's Mind: Birthday.

So, I am going to be a year older tomorrow. A good time to reflect on what the hell happened the past three decades or more of my life.

I was hoping for a present from Manchester United, but they ended up being beaten 2-0 by Fulham.

I am supposed to receive a gift of a writing job in Cheras, but they have yet to call me.

My car workshop was supposed to present my car back for me this afternoon, but the boss there did not call me back nor answer my phone calls.

I guess I can forget about giving me a shoe from Princess for myself, because I need to save my finances for more urgent stuff.

I do not expect anyone to give me anything this year, because the economy is damn bad.

Birthday parties or surprises are of the past, and my friends have their own friends and issues so I do not wish to bother them.

But one thing stays constantly.

ME + 1 more year, and one more year to love and take care of me, while taking more responsibility on myself. It is the one thing that is lacking in my life. And also to show more love to all my friends, letting them know how much I cherish and appreciate them.

In the meantime, as the ex-gay Real Love Ministry spammed this media news site looking for Yasmin Ahmad in desperation for more followers (I find this really cunning yet funny, he started talking about the deaf, then went straight to mention about being ex-gay and ex-transgender, being happy and that she will read good and bad things about him once she googles him et all), and with many gay and lesbian friends already aware of their crazy pseudoscience and lies, I say I am pleased with the progress one part of my advocacy work, that is to create awareness of what lies behind ex-gay ministries such as these. Of course there will be more and others to come.

And the rehearsal yesterday for the play went well; it is still under wraps but it would be a great reading come Sexualiti Merdeka, then off to the full performance at the turn of the year. Met Dara Othman for the first time there, an inspiration, and I am chuffed to be acting beside her.

Things cannot be that bad, I am sure more good things will come after I am a year older tomorrow.

Other up and coming stuff I will be involved in:

International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia (I was casually invited to speak)

Malaysian TransAdvocacy Coalition (an NGO in progress)

What Ex-Gays Are Not Telling You About Ex-Gays (a talk I am working on)

Trans101 (an informative workshop and forum to understand what transsexuals/GID/HBS are really all about)

Freedom Film Fest (with the help of my friend Elaine, we may submit an

Transgender Day Of Remembrance 2009 (let us hope the list is a shorter one this time round)

Hopefully, I can get my life back on track along the way. It has really been a tiring topsy-turvy life in the past year for me.

But I am happy for all your love and support, locally and worldwide.


Saturday, March 21, 2009

Slowly But Surely Climbing Out Of The Pits.

After more than two months without my car, this woman should be getting it back next Monday or Tuesday (unless there are any more delays at the workshop). I managed to post something up on Tilted World and here at the Box tonight. I was finally released by that NGO (but with heavy government involvement) workplace, therefore I am currently continuing my hunt for a good job opportunity. Having interviewed for some jobs as far as Cheras, I still await for their esteem reply. Now I am okay, I guess.

I gained some weight again, and having a bloated belly is really disgusting for me. Exercise is something most of us never seriously disciplined ourselves to do, but it is of course a well-known cure for beer bellies. The most meaningful event these past two weeks would be my pal Diana visiting me here at Damansara Utama, coming all the way from her house near Zoo Negara. Also had a good chat with my friend Thilaga. It is great to know that this depressed but fighting soul still have people who still care, especially after falling so deep into the pits again and again.

I will be finally meeting up with my friends for a production of an experimental play tomorrow. Hope to do more meaningful stuff for the community, and be back at my ranting best at this space soon. So to all of you who are still reading, thanks. I know I am going to be alone on my birthday next Tuesday, but at least I know some of you out there would be thinking of me, and of course I am thinking about you too. That makes love wonderful. I probably would seek peace and solace from God now that I have nearly reached another year since my birth, because somehow I know it is going to be another silent birthday full of thoughts, and wishful thinking.

Take care everyone.

When You Are Real Love Ministry And You Fail To Answer Even A Few Of Your Critics... Just Censor Them... And Continue To Spam....

Google Cache as of 2nd Feb 2009. My commentary was already censored, and then I removed it (refer to their main YouTube page). Click on image to view at real size.

Real Love Ministry spammed their own YouTube site! As you can see from the google cache above, there were many positive reactions (all from Real Love Ministry members and "fans" with thumbs down from viewers) and a few negative reactions from the public (with some thumbs up in agreement) for his video. Now there is an avalanche of thumbs up on only positive comments about his video and negative comments are all censored with many thumbs down! It is quite impossible for that to happen, for there are only 848 views thus far, plus 9 votes putting the video rated only at 2.0! Gosh, after being exposed by several sites, and some even banned him for spamming (Edmund Smith writing in using different names to show some sort of numbers to his cause), the so-called “authority” on gays cannot help discredit themselves more with censorship and spamming their own site with many thumb ups! This is really unbecoming behaviour from a "pastor". I cannot wait for more funny acts of deceitfulness to report on. ^_^

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

A Woman Against The Wind.

“Do not drop out of sight.” - David Roberts, my senior writer at Ex-Gay Watch, to me.

I am back for a while to update all of you on what is going on with my life. For starters, I got myself a new wonderful place to stay at Damansara Utama, but at a price. I will not be able to redeem back my car once it is fixed. I decided to part ways with my good sister in Singapore, after she accused me of being “too intense” on her blog. Perhaps she is too sensitive, after all she compared me to one of the other sisters she had problems with. It is sad.

I got back my wedding ring. Yep, my husband sent it to me. But no, it is not to take me back; in fact he written a note that he is too busy to do our marriage annulment. So here is a thought. Should I sell it, since I have no need for it and in need of money? Or should I keep it as a useless souvenir to haunt me for the rest of my life? I do not know. But even though the answer is obvious, being married before do complicate things. White gold is without much value though.

I received a surprise small donation from a senior from the Free Community Church, Singapore. Wow, someone there actually reads my blog? It would not be enough to do anything concrete with my car, but it did save me from a horrendous sinus infection (attack sounds more like it) by giving me a trip to the doctor. If you drop by again, thanks! Besides him there are also new readers and friends reading the Box. Hi everyone!

I will be involved in a stage play. The last time I have done one, was way back in high school, but a minor role. Here I am playing one of the protagonists. So I am happy, I need something to take me away from stress because I am diagnosed with hypertension. Great, I am barely 33 and have high blood pressure. So I am getting myself off the cause of it: My freaking job. I already handed in my month’s notice and now hunting for a new job.

So I am still running (I was all over PJ literally to get things like my insurance, summons and road tax done up). So hope things would work out. I wish I have my own computer, that way I can blog everyday! But that ambition is still miles away. Right now I have to persevere and get a new job, and attempt to get my car back from the workshop. I know some of you are praying or calling me on, so many thanks. Wish I can show you more how much I appreciate it.

I made a promise to my friend that I will not drop out of sight. So, I will try to pip in a post or few while I go through one of the most challenging periods in my life. Take care.