Friday, February 20, 2009

Before I Take Leave From Cyberspace.

I would like to give my sincere thanks to my friends, readers and commenters of the Box Of Chocolates for leaving me messages on the posts, e-mails and the chatterbox these past few days. I really am very happy at the sight of some messages of encouragement for me. And I still do realize this is one part of the journey which I need to take alone.

Friends that had come to my aid last time are now gone, bored of my lack of confidence, self-pity and depression. Some closer friends are still around, but how long can they see me still not being able to stand on my own two feet? In the next few weeks I have to find a place to stay, a new job and still trying to get my car fixed as soon as possible. I need to acknowledge that there is little anyone can do for me now. Everyone has their problems, and I have no right to make my problems theirs. This is the real world. Friendships like Dr Wilson to Dr House is a minority figure even lower than the minority of transsexuals like me. Everyone needs their space, their friends and their lives, to move on without having me interfere in their pathways. I already appreciate that they done all they can.

It is really time for me to move by myself to a greater height with only death to look at on my way. I had found the strength, now I need to really make my life count. And this part of my journey would be very tiring, and I would be too exhausted to write anything for the time being. But I do assure you all that I will take care of myself. I have to, and had been. Prior to all my misadventures with my ex-husband, I have seen it all and been through it all. That should be all the experience I need to pursue a radical change now.

I must be back. I love blogging, and have met some of the most beautiful people in the world that has inspired my life. My birthday is coming up. Just pray I will have a happy one when it comes. I believe I can. Cigarettes: 2, Alcohol: Moderate, Weight: 79.2kg. Now for my next trick. Get a place to stay and get myself a new job. Take care, everyone.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Bad Decisions With Consequences Mean I Have To Be Away.

I am facing some serious decision making processes, and may end up making radical changes in my life. I have arrived at another juncture and have to think hard which way to move next. Whatever choice I make, it will affect me deeply. Therefore, I will stop blogging for a while. I will also attempt to reduce my time on FaceBook. I am still considering two projects right now, but being in between jobs soon, the timing may not be the best. I offer my sincere apologies to my regular readers, and also commenters for my absense. If there is any help you think you want to offer to me, it would be in the form of donations (the donation box is on the right side column of this blogsite). I am tired of asking, and feel trapped ever since the previous donation thing that drained me so bad emotionally because of shame. But I need help. If you can, and want to help just help. Yuki’s Box of Chocolates has to be placed inside the refrigerator for the time being. If I survive yet again, I will be back. Thank you everyone for your love & support. Take care of you.

Monday, February 16, 2009

A Valentine's Season To Remember.

I will remember this year’s Valentine’s Day season. I thought it will be a terribly depressing one for me, but it ended up a blast. My night started out badly; the bus did not show up and I ended up missing the entire book launch by Amir Muhammad. But I got to watch the Torch Song Massacre at Annexe. The show was fabulous, as the complete massacre of Torch Songs brought about the most intelligent idiocy I have ever encountered. I enjoyed every second of the parodies, the compelling songs, the Rihanna tribute and the laughs.

I met some new friends like JP and Su-Ann, and realized there are differences to be acknowledged with old friends. But the moment of the day was when Ahmad Azrai played boyfriend to me for that few fleeting moments; spending me drinks, holding me and letting me sit on his lap. I get the feeling it was awkward for him, but it was so sweet of him to do so anyway.

The show was fabulous, and it was a pleasure sharing the stage,impersonating a hysterical Panda Head Curry (definitely one of the most entertaining bands I have ever seen) fan alongside Gabrielle Chong, who did her best straight-girl-desperately-wanting-to-get-close-to-her-idol impression ever (I did not even realize that there was actually a zany sense of humour in her! She was fab!). Jerome Kugan sang a beautiful tragic song, before making a comedic mess called Umbrella, with Chung Wei dancing away with an actual umbrella.

From the beginning of the song, wishing you BLOOD, till Shannon Shah singing Intergalactic Romantic Failure, it was truly a night to remember not only for the songs, but for the incredible people I met there that night. Gabrielle was the friendly face I needed; JP, Su-Ann and Azrai soothed my heavy laden heart and Su-Ann attempted to hijack me for dinner. Chung Wei and Jerome Kugan even attempted to sneak me into Marketplace which ended in failure. That was really so sweet of them all. I went home alone with the longest smile I have ever performed for a long, long, long while.

The Valentine’s Day experience did not stop there. Lainie Yeoh and me had a conversation for more than an hour on our handphones the day after, and that was the first time I actually hung on the phone for such a long period for ages. After the conversation I headed to lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening hanging around Bintang Walk, Times Square and later One Utama. And there I was, thinking of all the blessings I have got. I realized now that even though I am single, my Valentine’s gift was FRIENDS.

I have made so much mistakes in making friends and having to much expectations on them. Looking for friends for me is like looking for a job. I somehow always manage to find the wrong ones or never find any on my own. I am always bad in directions and always looking at the wrong places. The result is often me meeting people who try to “change” my gender, unable to give me a listening ear, condemn me at every opportunity for things that are not my fault, complain about me complaining too much, always judgmental of me etc. In the end, I realize I am just not significant enough in their lives.

But I should not have placed any expectation on them. No one is going to understand what it means to be clinically depressed and being a classic transsexual. No one is going place their ego down and talk to me at my level. No one is going to be ultimately truthful. No one will take me seriously of my suicidal tendencies. No one will love me, unless I love myself. And in order for to find that love, I need people around me who do not attempt to adopt their standards on me, rather I need friends that love me just the way I am.

That is so ironic. I mentioned needing someone to love me just the way I am in my previous blog post. But I already have friends who do so. And they made my Valentine’s season so special. I have to accept there will be people who will not like me, and I should draw the line with them. For those who like me, I must cherish them and grow up with them in our lifetimes. There will be friends that will crush you and demonize you, and friends that build you and inspire you. It was funny that I had that conversation with Lainie about negotiation and inspiration. I cannot forget the latter. That is because I find inspiration in my true friends. You know who you are. Thank you for loving me.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's Day: World Of Love.

I spent these last couple of days before today trying to find some reason as to why it so difficult to find someone to be with on Valentine’s Day. As I came upon the answer that relates to my existence as a transsexual female in Malaysia, I do keep on wondering whether there will be some semblance of a relationship later in my life. I watched two movies the past two nights. One was “Sex And The City”, the other “Bridget Jones Diaries”. Both the main characters of these movies endure confusion and hurt, but the ending is all of the same. They both find love.

Carrie Bradshaw is into labels and love living in the fast lane strutting away with her designer shoes and elegant dresses, while Bridget Jones is a mess of cherry pie proportions in weight with alcohol and smoking problems to boot. Both ended up with the right man at the end, and the love story continues for them. And I wonder, what about me? Straight men are literally shallow enough to assume my gender on the basis of a mutation between my thighs, so they would be fearful of starting anything with me. If the men are gays they would want me to keep my exoticness by holding on to that mutation itself, which is a cancer to me everyday of my life.

Lesbians would target femmes, and I am just not that. So my choices are really few and far between in a country where most men are afraid to even chat me up over coffee as friends. And I am definitely not good enough for the women. So where does that leave me? I do not know actually. Since my husband left me with my op cancelled to be with his ex-wife, I opted not to get into a relationship. I usually tell my friends that the hurt of being out of love so many times, goes into an increasingly boring schedule, that the next broken relationship would not end with that much pain. But who I am to kid?

The more relationships I have been through, the more my heart was tortured and broken, leaving some scars that will be there for the rest of my life. And I really felt it more on every passing Valentine’s Day. Tonight, a lot of couples will be out on the ultimate, albeit expensive date. I would probably be at the Annexe Gallery in Central Market for Amir Muhammad’s book launch, then later listening to crooners like Shannon Shah singing all those torch songs. Those with partners will usually spend time with each other at home after tonight, in bed probably. And I will surely go home to a soulless room with nothing but my friendly radio on Lite FM. It is a sickening experience. I admit it. I need to love and to be loved by someone.

Everybody that is still single would be partying away at some club somewhere, and still looking for love. Some are even in open relationships; I guess it is better than being alone. But I guess no one would realize how lonely I am now, craving for something that is already very hard to get. The hunger pangs to be hugged by a partner who loves me just the way I am, and whom would just want the relationship to be just about the both of us. No more will I ever want a man telling me that he wants a “discreet relationship”, or a woman telling me I am just not “femme” enough. I am a girl, and transitioning more and more into ladylike-ness. I deserve the same opportunities as everyone else to find love. Sadly, I have a feeling some of my closest friends are actually facing an end to their relationships, just as I am hoping to start mine.

So where does that leave me? Are relationships really that important? Yes it is. We all need the right men or women in our lives. We hope to have that one faithful life companion, that would be with us in times like Valentine’s Day. Richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse; that may not cut it anymore. What is important is respect. Understanding. LOVE. I am growing a faith that I will find it one day. But I know I do have to start somewhere, so as the ever failing but trying Bridget Jones would always do, I must diligently keep track of these:

Cigarettes: 12. Alcohol: (No opportunity, good). Weight: 81.5kg, 1kg up (ok, no more Bah Kut Teh and Sweet Sour Chicken Rice, will walk to Kelana LRT today instead of taking bus). All else fails, find someone that loves me just the way I am. Or pray for The One to come soon.

The lovebug is here. Come and get your love, wherever you are.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Jangan Hantar Aku Ke Neraka (Do Not Send Me To Hell).

This is a video about a transgender called Erra. Since at the end of the video she “repented”, then I will address Erra by the original name Mohammad Shukri. The video is basically about how he found peace in Islam, and after visiting his mother’s grave, he decided not to be a mak nyah (transgender) anymore. Throughout the video are Shukri’s thoughts as he shares and answers questions; he constantly believes his life as being all about lust, and he feels compelled to “change” because he believes he is going to hell for his “sins”.

We get to see where he used to be a sex-worker, and his family’s rejection of him and of course, the normal discrimination faced by transgenders in Malaysia in terms of jobs and housing. But having said it, this is where I have to part ways with this video's mood. The message is covered with shallowness and it is unbearable to watch for a positive person who would probably ask him to “Hey! Stand up straight!”. Seriously, I have met a lot of mak nyahs (transgenders) in Malaysia. I have never seen one so engrossed in his “sin” like him.

I also find this video puzzling. It seems too “directed” and attempts to impose a certain message that mak nyahs (transgenders) like him can “change”. At the end of the video he is seen dramatically swiping away all his make-up, facial cleansers and shampoos from the table, then the room dramatically changes from a room full of posters, to a room with Islamic Art; later a Quran is seen with its pages blowing in the wind. This shows a very stereotypical mask of a transgender in Malaysia (mind you, I have very few facial cleansers, and men use them as well. And I do not have feminine posters in my room).

The Quran scene in the middle of the night is perhaps sending a tacit message of “change or you will go to hell”. But looking at Shukri, I would certainly encourage him to change. Why? Because transgenders are comfortable with who they are, but Shukri (with all due respect, I am trying to be truthful) looks like a lost transvestite who got floated away into being somebody he may not have been born as in the first place. He looks lost, confused and without direction to really be a transgender. If being "yourself" clouds you with these negative thoughts then maybe you are not yourself at all. And I certainly do not walk with such slouching shame as if I am riddled with guilt and am going to hell like him.

It is fine that he has “changed”, and I wish him all happiness because I feel he is not a transgender in the first place. Kind of like Edmund Smith (RLM) who used to cross-dress and while he is a still a man (but they are total opposites in terms of personality; this Shukri seems so extremely humbled he may have some serious inferiority complex issues). While I certainly do not like the idea of him being part of this video that strongly feeds the confirmation bias of a society like Malaysia, I bid him well and all the best. Sadly still, he may have been manipulated into doing this documentary in which its producers clearly is trying to compile another bad, negative, depressing life picture gallery about transgenders. Hey, why not interview a girl and a trans survivor like me? Because I am pretty?

Monday, February 9, 2009


I really wanted to write something for "Body 2 Body: Writings on Alternative Sexuality in Malaysia". And although I know both of the editors, Jerome Kugan and Pang Kee Teik as friends to the point I may eventually submit my entry, I am however disturbed by the following lines from their “submission guideline”:

1. Writings should depict QUEER or alternative sexuality in Malaysia, or of Malaysian QUEERS' experience in the world.

3. QUEER includes gay, lesbian, bisexual, transvestite, TRANSGENDERED, intersexed.

At line no. 3, once again the word "transgender" was placed with an incorrect “–ed”, and "transvestite" is supposed to be a subset of "transgender", but was placed along with the line of words as a separate entity. Even if that was so (unfortunately it is not), "transsexual" was missing from the line of words. As a matter of fact, a classic "transsexual" is never comfortable with neither "transsexual" (still known medically as a mental health condition) nor "transgender" (because the other subsets of "transgenders" are different from "transsexuals"); because it takes away the nature of their sexual identity. Some choose "transgender" as a less medical and politically correct term, but most just belong to that label to have a social identification that they can present to the public, rather than who they really are. But I am not going to go into that.


queer•er, queer•est
1. Deviating from the expected or normal; strange: a queer situation.
2. Odd or unconventional, as in behavior; eccentric. See Synonyms at strange.
3. Of a questionable nature or character; suspicious.
4. Slang Fake; counterfeit.
5. Feeling slightly ill; queasy.
6. Offensive Slang Homosexual.
7. Usage Problem Of or relating to lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, or transgendered people.
1. Offensive Slang Used as a disparaging term for a homosexual person.
2. Usage Problem A lesbian, gay male, bisexual, or transgendered person.
tr.v. queered, queer•ing, queers Slang
1. To ruin or thwart: "might try to queer the Games with anything from troop movements . . . to a bomb attack" Newsweek.
2. To put (someone) in a bad position.

I find the word "queer" probably the most disturbing word describing the LGBT community that I never use. As an adjective, it reduces the nature of LGBTs as a mere nurtured behavioural and societal issue. As a noun, it is meant to be used to negatively label LGBTs. Its continuous use, such as in this submission call for Body 2 Body and a host of other media and written communication forms, is actually wrong and it would only serve to detatch ourselves from our nature, being comfortable with our sexual orientation or accepting of our gender identity. We may say that we are reclaiming the use of the word for ourselves. But why use this word “queer”, that blatantly labels us as “weird”? Why are we using a word that would further discriminate ourselves from the general public?

The word "queer" represents the very separation between us being normal and being different. Have we forgotten how painful it is for people to call us "weirdos"? Are we going to proudly call ourselves something like "queer"'s closest synonym, “strange”? Just observe the use of the similar term within the advertisement for Body 2 Body, and think carefully whether it is acceptable.


1. Writings should depict strange or alternative sexuality in Malaysia, or of Malaysian stranges' experience in the world.

2. Possible Genre: fiction, true life accounts, essays, memoir, excerpts from novel or play. We do not accept verse.

3. Strange includes gay, lesbian, bisexual, transvestite, transgendered, intersexed.

4. Possible topics: coming out, forced out, going back in, love found, love lost, love squandered, encounters with homophobia, trying to go straight, married life, being friends with a strange person, being seduced by a queer friend, self-loathing, acceptance, religion, family, work, HIV, studies, activism, etc.

5. Writers can be Malaysian or non-Malaysians. Writers can be strange or straight.

So, since some of us do so openly accept the word "queer" to describe us, why not use the word "strange" then? Oh, both "strange" and straight nearly sounds the same, perhaps by using "strange", we could actually be three or four alphabets away from being known as straight. Hurrah! (Well, just a thought). And "queer" just means basically that, queer. That is why we should stay the hell out of using that word and should not even call ourselves or the LGBT community that.

Queer Theory may be forming a strong movement, but if we were to continue labeling ourselves with a word that de-generates the LGBT movement from within, a word that is so readily used by the majority section of society to alienate us into boxes that do not fit us, a word historically invented to just mean "abnormal", then there is no way even by Queer Theory we should reclaim the word, because of its true definition. So am I going to write for Body 2 Body? Probably will, but I would need to call and ask Jerome if a transsexual can be involved in this, since (separately) only "transvestite" and "transgender-ed" are invited. And if people still choose to use a term that defines me as "fake" or "unusual" I would say, sorry, I am really not QUEER.

Friday, February 6, 2009

No Room For Valentine's Day In Malaysia?

With all due respect, this piece of news is too mind-boggling for me to pass up. I have no intentions of questioning it because it does not relate to me, but I shudder to think how my Muslim friends feel about this. But it is a thought, a week before the big day comes. From the NST, reposted on AsiaOne.

JOHOR BARU, MALYSIA: The state Religious Department yesterday reminded Muslims here that Valentine's Day was "haram" in Islam, which means forbidden.
The fatwa had been declared in 2005, but the warning, said Mufti Datuk M. Tahrir Samsudin, was the department's yearly reminder to Muslims not to engage in un-Islamic activities.
He said such celebrations "involved elements of vice" and violated Islamic tenets and values. He said the Christian elements found in the celebration also did not correspond with Islamic practices. - New Straits Times

So the good mufti now lays out four things for us to ponder about Valentine’s Day.

1) It is an un-Islamic activity:

Yes, indeed:

Hating Valentine's Day in the Third World

2) Involves elements of vice.

And so the commitment to it is called “marriage”?

Lovebirds tie the knot

3) Violated tenets and values.

Violated tenets and values for 73 years?

Li Bingxiang (L), 101, presents his 97-year-old wife Zhang Liying a bouquet of roses in Jinan, Shandong Province on Valentine's Day. The couple have been married for 73 years.

4) Christian elements… did not correspond with Islamic practices.

Elements like FAMILY

and of course that funny little thing called

I shudder to think what happens when a hard working Muslim friend of mine takes some time off on this auspicious day to bring his beautiful wife out for dinner and to rekindle the love they shared for ages; and to tell her how much he loves her, want to grow old with her, wants to make her happy, wants to apologize for his all wrongdoings to her, then it is HARAM!

I rather they just haram-ed it without giving any reasons than try to give explanations, especially when their excuses are… well… HARAM…. !

Some may want to justify something because of a few selected people who scarred the face of love, but why condemn Valentine’s Day for it. It is a day of love. If Muslims wish to do vice and evils they are going to do it anyhow, regardless of what day it is. Why not just use this day to teach them good values: To love themselves and their futures instead. Would that not be, LOVE?


Thursday, February 5, 2009

The History Of The Word "Gay".

1637 - the Oxford English Dictionary describes gay as "addicted to social pleasures and dissipations. Often euphemistically: Of loose and immoral life"

1800s - "Gay" which means to "copulate" was the slang term for female prostitutes.

1900s - The French slang "gaie" which means homosexual men was out.

1935 - "Geycat," the slang term that means a homosexual boy was out.

1955 - P. Wildeblood notes in his autobiography on the inhumane treatment against gays called "Against Law". he quoted, "Most of the officers had been 'gay' ... an American euphemism for homosexual".

This is my humble opinion, looking at the process while noting this: The Bible translaters replaced or added to the word "arsenokoites" which means "boy-bed" in Greek (in relations to male prostitutes), with the word homosexual to describe the sexual orientation as a form of immoral act. This happened back at 1949 in the Revised Standard Edition of the Bible. This is related to the probably correct slang to be used according to the male prostitutes back in those days.

I conclude that the word "gay" was supposed to mean boy prostitutes in the modern world before 1949 (some say 1951). But I believe, when P. Wildeblood's book came out, it is one of the revolutionizing moments in history when "gays" are treated badly like prostitute dogs in the 60's.

This is interesting, because along with the formation of the movement for life and freedom for homosexuals from other parts of the world, started what is now known as "gay" pride. Which probably is to tell the world that homosexuality has nothing to do with gigoloism, but all about love and diversity of life, and the freedom of it to live in equality with straights.

Since it is simpler to prounounce, it has been gay ever since.

A complete look at the word "gay"'s evolution according to the Oxford English Dictionary can be found here at this link.

(Taken from my reply to a question at Yahoo Answers, which was elected as the "best answer").

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Transphobication Of The Day #2: Kenneth Zucker.

Many of you would have heard of Kenneth Zucker and his amazing theories on how there is something wrong if a child is transgender, and tries to cure them in clinical reparative therapy style. I wrote an extensive article in regards to him last year on Ex-Gay Watch, when he was chosen as head of the work group for “Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders (GID) for the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or DSM. To put it bluntly, the minority pseudo-science he parrots can hardly relate to most transgenders, especially transsexual women. His stance devalues and also trivializes the quality of life of transgenders.

A well-known heterosexualist and a believer is heterosexual supremacy, he once quoted Richard Green and mentioned:

The rights of parents to oversee the development of children is a long-established principle. Who is to dictate that parents may not try to raise their children in a manner that maximizes the possibility of a heterosexual outcome? If that preogative is denied, should parents also be denied the right to raise their children as atheists? Or as priests?

Not content of being known as an authority with no authority of transgenders, one by fame and not by merit, he now decided to shut everyone who disagrees with him up by making threats. And one of those threats, directed at Professor Lynn Conway, sounds so bogusly false and ridiculously baseless that it deserves to be awarded the second "Transphobication Of The Day"!

This was released worldwide today at Professor Lynn Conway's site :-

Lynn Conway's Trans News Updates: The webpage Zucker attempted to suppress

A News Report by Lynn Conway

Copyright © Lynn Conway 2009.

All rights reserved

First posted 2-03-09 [V2-03-09]


Zucker attempts to disrupt and suppress Lynn Conway's trans news-feed

Note the deviousness of the falsifications in the Jacobsen letter

Consider the timing and context of the attack

What could have motivated Zucker's attack on Lynn's freedom of speech?

Defending Lynn's freedom of speech


Zucker attempts to disrupt and suppress Lynn Conway's trans news-feed:

As part of her University of Michigan website [1] Lynn Conway maintains a news-feed [2] that provides ongoing access to news items of interest to the transgender community. Each day Lynn receives and posts links to the latest news, often including brief quotes from the articles to alert readers to their contents.

On January 30, 2009 Lynn received an e-letter [3] from Peter M. Jacobsen, an attorney representing Dr. Ken Zucker of the “Centre for Addiction and Mental Health” (CAMH, aka The Clarke Institute) at University of Toronto. The letter was also apparently sent to the University of Michigan's Information Technology User Advocate, in an attempt to disrupt Lynn's postings on the internet and defame Lynn amongst her colleagues and senior University officials as they heard about it.

The Jacobsen letter is posted at this link (more, more). It threatens Lynn with a lawsuit for libel by claiming that:

“Your website contains very serious false and defamatory allegations of criminal conduct and sexual abuse by Dr. Zucker. These allegations clearly exceed the limits of free speech and public discourse . . . Please be advised that we have also notified the IT User Advocate at the University of Michigan of this defamatory posting. . . Please confirm receipt of this libel notice immediately and advise us immediately of what steps you have taken to have this defamatory material removed from your website” – Peter M. Jacobsen, representing CAMH and Zucker

Jacobsen inserted the following entry from Lynn's news-feed into his letter as 'evidence' to support Zucker's accusations of libel:

01-17-09: Organisation Internationale des Intersexués (OII): "The self-proclaimed experts on intersex: Zucker and Lawrence", by Curtis Hinkle

"I am sure that many intersex people were aware that the APA had brought out a booklet on intersex. However, I am not sure that many understand how problematic it is to many intersex people to see some of the following names associated with this booklet: Margaret Schneider, Walter O. Bockting, Randall D. Ehrbar, Anne A. Lawrence, Katherine Louise Rachlin and Kenneth J. Zucker. At first glance, the booklet seems apparently harmless. However, that is what's so clever about it. It's a way for the Clarke/Northwestern clique to get their nose under the (intersex) tent and then later "come on in"."

As you can see, there are no "allegations of criminal conduct and sexual abuse by Dr. Zucker" in that news-feed entry, nor will you find any such allegations anywhere in Lynn's website.

On reading Jacobsen's letter most people cannot imagine that it could contain such a bold falsification, even though it is right there in front of their eyes. Therefore, the first and lingering impression is that Lynn must have made those allegations – even though she did not.

We are posting this report to alert our readers and seek their support in maintaining Lynn's freedom of speech against this blatant attempt to suppress and infringe upon it.

Note the deviousness of the falsifications in the Jacobsen letter:

After boldly claiming that the allegations against Zucker are located within Lynn's news-feed (which they are not), Jacobsen does a quick shuffle of the deck. He now says that the presumed allegations are actually contained in another website that Lynn simply links to – i.e. a page in the website of Organisation Intersex International (OII) [4].

In doing so, Jacobsen claims that cross-website linkage is legally equated with website-inclusion, but Canadian case law says otherwise: Crookes v Wikimedia [5].

However, even that point is moot, because not even that secondarily-linked webpage in OII's website makes the allegations against Zucker that Jacobsen alleges. Instead it simply reports the fact that such allegations had been previously received by OII personnel from a third party and had been turned over to Canadian authorities.

As readers struggle to follow Jacobsen's tangled legal 'logic' – and as they click on links from site to site trying to figure out what it all means – they can easily loose focus and simply assume that Jacobsen must know what he's talking about. This is a well-known effect of "the big lie":

The bigger the lie, the more likely it is to be believed.

What could have motivated Zucker's attack on Lynn's freedom of speech?

Why would Jacobsen make these false accusations? Could Zucker be angered that Lynn's site contains investigative reports [6] and links to media articles that are unflattering to Zucker and CAMH – reports such as those on U. S. National Public Radio [7] and in the Torontoist [8] that have widely exposed Dr. Zucker as operating a trans-reparative clinic for ‘curing’ gender variant children?

If so, they should note that Lynn's news-feed links to many articles by or about Dr. Zucker and his colleagues that are extremely unflattering to transgender people. It also links to articles published by groups such as NARTH [8] and Focus on the Family [9] that are supportive of Dr. Zucker’s teachings. By doing so, Lynn's news-feed links to both sides of the story and helps generate healthy debate.

Then too, OII Founder Mr. Curtis Hinkle reports that OII has not received similar threats of lawsuits, even though the OII page in question (an open letter to the President of WPATH) [4] has been posted on the internet for eight months and is widely known about in Zucker’s professional circles.

These facts suggest that Zucker is more interested in suppressing Lynn's website than in addressing the underlying complaint asserted in Jacobsen’s letter. But there is more:

Consider the timing and context of the attack

The timing of Zucker’s action is also suspect – coming on the eve of an important workshop at the IFGE conference [11]. Zucker is aware that the presentations at that workshop will be posted on my website and will question his selection to lead revisions of the gender identity section [12] of the psychiatric code-book of mental illness (the 'DSM') [13].

Zucker's selection for that role is the elephant in the room. That psychiatric code-book currently pathologizes all transgender people as being mentally-ill for life, just as it did to gay and lesbian people in the past – and Zucker appears determined to retain that stance in spite of growing evidence to the contrary (more) and social pressure to depathologize gender variance [14].

For more on the psychiatric and social context that led to the current diagnostic nomenclature in the DSM, see Gender Madness in American Psychiatry, Essays from the Struggle for Dignity, by Kelley Winters, Ph.D. [15]. Dr. Winter's book provides deep insights into the many issues and

challenges faced by the trans-community on the eve of publication of the DSM-V, and exposes the reasons for and nature of the community's confrontation with Zucker.

Zucker’s colleague and close confidant Alice Dreger went to great lengths to suppress a similar panel at the National Women’s Studies Association conference last June, but failed in that attempt - after graduate student Joelle Ruby Ryan stood up to Dreger's attack on Joelle's academic career. My report on those events [16] has since gained wide notice, much to Dreger’s and Zucker’s consternation.

And as many news-feed readers may recall, as editor in chief of the Archives of Sexual Behavior (ASB) Zucker previously stooped so low as to exploit his power-position to subvert that journal into a propaganda tool [17] to support his ASB colleagues against widespread complaints and internet blogging by the transgender community. In the process Zucker was exposed as conducting his own personal vendetta against Andrea James and Lynn Conway, two women who've been effective in exposing his reparatist treatment of gender variant children (more).

Zucker’s series of actions suggest that he is now motivated to suppress Lynn's right of free speech (and especially Lynn's ability to publish on the internet) by any means possible, in order to minimize his exposure as a trans-reparatist and suppress the escalating questioning of his selection to lead the DSM revisions.

Defending Lynn's freedom of speech:

In the face of this threat, Lynn's seeks your assistance in protecting her Constitutional rights and ensuring her full and open access to the internet – so that her website and others like it remain freely available in service of our community.

You do not need to write letters or make demands. You should instead exercise your own right of free speech to widely propagate this news report and the Jacobsen letter, as evidence of Zucker's attack.

By informing people of Zucker's attempt to suppress Lynn's freedom of speech, you can expose him for what he is – and let history be his judge.

You only get to keep your Constitutional rights if you fully exercise them.


[1] Lynn Conway’s homepage,

Lynn Conway,

[2] “Trans News Updates”,

Lynn Conway,

[3] “CAMH re: Ken Zucker and Lynn Conway”, File No. 300566, Peter M. Jacobsen, Center for Addiction and Mental Health, Toronto, Canada January 27, 2009.
[4] “Open Letter to President of WPATH from OII”, Sophia Siedlberg, OII-UK and Curtis E. Hinkle, Founder, Organisation Intersex International, May 28, 2008.
[5] IN THE SUPREME COURT OF BRITISH COLUMBIA, Citation: Crookes v. Wikimedia Foundation Inc., 2008 BCSC 1424 Date: 20081027 Docket: S072729 Registry: Vancouver.
[6] “Drop the Barbie: Ken Zucker's reparatist treatment of gender-variant children”, A report by Lynn Conway,, April 5, 2007.

[7] “Two Families Grapple with Sons' Gender Preferences - Psychologists Take Radically Different Approaches in Therapy”, Alix Spiegel, All Things Considered, National Public Radio, May 7. 2008.
[8] “But For Today I Am A Boy”, Marc Lostracco, The Torontoist, May 9, 2008.

[9] “How Should Clinicians Deal With GID In Children? Psychologist Kenneth J. Zucker explains the current research on children and adolescents who develop a Gender Identity Disorder”,

Frank York, National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH), September 23, 2004.
[10] “Answering Parents' Questions on Gender Confusion in Children”, Glenn T. Stanton, Focus on the Family, January, 2009.

[11] “Disordered” No More: Challenging Transphobia in Psychology, Academia and Society”, by Joelle Ruby Ryan (chair), Julia Serano, Ph.D. and Kelley Winters, Ph.D., IFGE Worshop, The

23rd Annual Conference of the International Foundation for Gender Education, Alexandria, VA, February 4-8, 2009.

[12] “DSM-V review of Sexuality & Gender to be headed by Zucker & Blanchard”,, May 19, 2008.
[13] DSM-IV-TR: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition - Text Revision, American Psychiatric Association, 2000.

[14] “Psychiatrists Revise the Book of Human Troubles”, Benedict Carey, New York Times, Dec. 17, 2008
[15] Gender Madness in American Psychiatry, Essays from the Struggle for Dignity, Kelley Winters, Ph.D., BookSurge Publishing, 2009.

[16] “Joelle Ruby Ryan chairs NWSA panel on resisting transphobia in academia: The event Alice Dreger failed to stop”, A Report by Lynn Conway,, June 27, 2008.

[17] "Science Subverted: How a scientific journal became a propaganda tool in the "science

war" against the social emergence of transgender women", A report by Lynn Conway,, August 21, 2007. > TS Information > Trans News Updates > Lynn Conway's Trans News Updates: The page Zucker attempted to suppress.

Tip Of The Hat for Leona Lo.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Transgender Woman Found Dead With Neck Stab Wound.

It is only the month of February, and with Malaysia still in celebratory mood on the occasion of Chinese New Year, this news came in and turned my day sour, and I believe it would be another day of sadness for all transgenders worldwide. Another transgender woman was found murdered last Sunday, stabbed on the neck at her own house.

The original story is here. However, the New Straits Times (NST) once again showed total lack of professionalism in journalism, using her “male” name several times, and the whole article is riddled with male pronouns. We can see here that the NST has obviously no respect for the dead, or for transgenders for that matter, and seems to insist on using the word “transvestite” to describe the victim. Such is the lack of knowledge and understanding displayed by NST. I have edited the post, and give her the face she deserves.

Transgender found dead with neck stab wound
By : Jassmine Shadiqe
(edited by Yuki Choe)


A transgender woman was found dead with a stab wound on her neck in her house in Taman Molek, Johor Jaya, here on Sunday. The victim, once identified as Noor Azlan Khamis, 29, who worked as a storekeeper at a furniture store in Sungai Tiram here, was found by a friend lying lifeless on the sofa in her living room about 6.30pm.

She had earlier gone to a karaoke outlet with some friends, who sent her home about 3am. Later that evening, one of her friends called her but the phone went unanswered.

The friend, who lives in the neighbourhood then went to her house and after peeping through a window, saw the victim lying on the sofa.

Suspecting that something was amiss when she failed to respond to her knocks on the door, the friend entered the unlocked house and found the victim dead in a pool of blood.

He immediately alerted the police.

State Criminal Investigation Department Chief Senior Assistant II Datuk Amer Awal who confirmed the incident said the victim stayed alone in the house.

"Investigations revealed that the victim was murdered between 4am and 7am that Sunday," he said. Amer added that the television and lights in the room were switched on when the victim's body was found. There were no signs of struggle or forced entry.

Amer urged those with information to call the nearest police station or the Johor police hotline at 07-2212999.

I feel uncomfortable, and realize how disturbing it is to install a new entry to the Transgender Day Of Remembrance 2009. But such murders must be exposed for the world to see the bigotry and hatred manifesting itself into such violence. There is a need to continue working on the protection and security for transgenders and gender-non comforming individuals in Malaysia, and worldwide. May this victim rest is peace. We will remember.

Yuki's Choice Reading:
News Straits Times Shows Disappointing Standards Of Professional Journalism When Reporting Transgender Murder.