Wednesday, May 27, 2009


“Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on men” – Thomas Jefferson.

Contrary to claims made by ex-gay groups that there are so-called “thousands and thousands” of ex-gays in the world, I have only met one ex-gay pastor and know of one more ex-gay under his wings. But, the past three years, I have met incredibly, a lot of ex-Christians that came out from the church ministries trying to change them. The ex-gay groups will claim that these ex-Christians did not try or pray hard enough, or fallen into sin again and so forth. But my conversations with them taught me something valuable, these ex-Christians finally knew it deep in their hearts that their sexual orientation is real, and religion is not. They are born gay, but being a Christian is still a choice. And the simple choice of embracing affirmation of self-acceptance makes them better human beings than the person they might just become if they had continued to be Christians.

One day, I visited a potential client at Glad Tidings church in Petaling Jaya, Selangor. This Christianist church houses the hate group Focus On The Family’s Malaysian chapter. While agreeing that this restaurant within this building is a bad idea to promote what we are introducing as an established organization, it was the whole experience of being in the church and talking to a member that shook me. The experience of looking at a “Christian” church again after all these years, and the treatment of the implied “stray” Christian I was receiving for being a transgender. The paranoid eyes, sensitive being, and self-nominated “Christian” that was the person I spoke to, reflected the person I was in the Christian church many years ago when I was still living in a box called the “Church”.

I started living in that box when I was declared a “Christian” at the age of fourteen. I was already having gender identity problems knowing that I am a girl, but for the mutation I have between my thighs. I attended two Methodist Churches, and they knew of my issues almost immediately. On almost all occasions, I was described as a “lost boy” with an “identity crisis”. They made me pray so hard to change I actually did. They pinned the blame on my mother so many times until I actually believed them. They felt listening to Debbie Gibson and Tiffany was the “cause” of my crisis, and I agreed with them to the point I just followed their instructions to burn off all of my cassette tapes. Even though I knew I was different, I suddenly felt that there was something really abnormal and wrong with me, and to make me a better person and for people to respect me, I must “change”.

Fast forward till today, I started to realize that although I am still a Christian, I refuse to adhere myself into a church. The important Christian values that were taught to me when I was young, TO LOVE, is now but a distant memory. All that is left as I see, especially after that visit to Glad Tidings, was a group of people insecure within their own skin and seeking comfort in a higher power to appease them. Most Christianists, as I observed, would believe their pastor as the ultimate authority given by God and their pastor’s every word are as infallible as God’s. The pastor’s interpretation of the Bible becomes God’s Word. They would defend people in the US like James Dobson, all the way to Edmund Smith in Malaysia, even though these people are hardly telling the facts as they distort scientific research. In fact, they have not one scientific backing to their fabricated “truth.”

Especially on the issues of homosexuality, the medical professionals they use do not even qualify for the American Psychological Association. And to shut the doubters, they immediately lay claims of a Gay Agenda™ when there are real truths being revealed. Fabricating an invisible enemy called “pro-gay”, in which its own definition has been modified countless times to fit the mode of misinformation and misrepresentation, they demonize LGBTs by parroting ridiculous claims stretching from a “gay lifestyle” that centers around only on sex as if gays do not have a life, to attempting to paint a picture that LGBTs are dangerous to children and society. When undeniable evidence proves otherwise, these are all dismissed as just part of a gay Agenda™ by these Christianists.

Contrary to the so-called truth Christianists sprout out, Pokaemon is not satanic. SpongeBob is as straight as Big Bird. Teletubbies are, well, Teletubbies. Just think for a moment here, are we really to believe 100% what Christianists claim without questioning one bit? Is the pastor’s mouth as wide as God’s? Are peer-previewed, impartial and unbiased scientific facts to be thrown out, and in its place confirmation bias based pseudo-sciences by discredited “medical” people to be celebrated? Is the fallacious appeals to false authorites in itself, more authoritative then the actual authorities? Are we to be stupid sickos who instead of Love, we preach total invalidation of other people?

These are false witnesses. They lay claim there is not gay gene when the fact is the science is getting close. In the United States, they say that does not matter because it is not important, that the baby can be “cured” before the baby is born because God according to His false witnesses do not want gays. Here in Malaysia, the “no gay gene” argument is used to deny the existence of homosexuals. His false witnesses refuse to reason why would God create even the slightest bump of homosexuality if He disapproves of it. Well, sad to say, they have not found a heterosexual gene either. And with that fact, it opens a can of worms stretching as far back as to: Is it really upbringing that a person can actually be heterosexual? What if the whole world is being brainwashed into a heterosexual supremist ideology? Christian Heterosexual = World Cult?

And if you even bother to think and question “Homosexual = anal sex”, you would know that is the most ridiculous argument against homosexuals when ANYONE, even boys with girls, can do anal sex. And sexual abuses can cause more heterosexuality than homosexuality. The evidence? There are far more, even on pro-rate, sexual abuse cases among heterosexuals, and it causes these people to remain/become heterosexuals, and that is why there are far more heterosexuals than homosexuals on this earth! Does that sound stupid? It is a reasonable argument. But does it not follow a better logic than claims that sexual abuses “create” homosexuals? Sadly some sickos would stick to that argument not because it is the truth, but because they just cannot stand same sex love.

I love Edmund Smith (of the ex-gay Real Love Ministry) because he is the symbol of how ridiculous some self-professed ex-gays-just-because-I-am-married are. (I too have the ability to sleep with both men and women, so does that mean I can “change”?) His claims of being sexually abused by a relative have no police reports attached, arrests or even a slightest evidence to suggest it really happened. He calls himself “ex-transgender” even though he has no history of being out as a transgender. He claims he was disappointed and disillusioned by the “gay lifestyle” because of various break-ups with his boyfriends, but seriously if I knew my guy is sleeping with hundreds of men like he admitted and doing it for money, I would not hesitate to dump him with a slap and a kick on his face.

And the Christianists and ex-gay’s hyperbolic echo chamber just repeats it’s boring cycle again and again: There is something horribly wrong with lesbian, gays and transgenders. We are so deep in our psychosis/gay lifestyle/struggles/sex/whatever that we cannot think and live for ourselves; and we should, and must rely on the help of God according to human beings, unlicensed unprofessional counselors, and pseudo-sciences by doctors that were thrown out of medical governing bodies, to “change” because “change is possible” and “change” makes you better human beings because you all are currently less than one, because we say so out of love with no respect, no understanding, and pure dislike for you.

There was a meeting of paranoid parents and over-concerned friends of LGBTs that was held on the 22nd and 23rd of this month at Full Gospel Assembly (Jalan Kuchai Lama). There will be the usual cast of speakers from ex-gay ministries to a researcher of a non-existent Gay Agenda™. The latter itself is really funny. I have not seen a more organized, institutional international anti-gay machine that is bent on demonizing LGBTs using lies, distortion and deceit, with so much money on its coffers that they can bring the president of the largest ex-gay organization itself, Alan Chambers. Money that can be donated to real people in need, like starving children or single mothers. I have not seen such a vicious syndicate that wish to make LGBTs look like troubled people who create trouble.

But I see no Gay Agenda™. I only see LGBTs wishing to live in freedom to be themselves, to express their love for their loved ones, to worship the God they choose. To live without the threat of violence and hatred everyday in their precious lives. To have their existence validated and their work secure even if they are outed. To live with their partners till death do they part. To just live and let live. Most importantly, to not have to be bullied, and have themselves smeared and graffitied by Christianists and their cronies.

I do not identify as Christian. I am now an ex-Christian. I have seen so much done to defame the LGBTs even when I was a Christian, to make me ashamed. I have even seen an old man cycling to church while the pastor drove a huge car. Seeing the money milked in such manner, I stopped going to church. I am reminded that though I believe in Christ as Our Saviour and Lord, I do not wish to have any ties to institutions with lost priorities, looking for numbers, that hate-mongers against people they are intolerant of. I have seen it in Singapore recently when the social group AWARE was taken over by such badness. Now the largest ex-gay organization in the world has truly landed in Malaysia, ready to make Christians hate the LGBTs sin of existing, while still failing to love in the process. I am against Christianist dogma. I do not want to be stupid. I am definitely not a sicko.

“The clergy converted the simple teachings of Jesus into an engine for enslaving mankind and adulterated by artificial constructions into a contrivance to filch wealth and power to themselves…these clergy, in fact, constitute the real Anti-Christ….”
–Thomas Jefferson.


Lim Sze Wei said...

I am not a Christian, not a believer, not yet maybe. But I have this opinion that all humans are imperfect, so when they try to interpret the bible, many versions (right or wrong) will be produced.

However, it is always up to oneself to be able to dispense the wrongs from the rights :)

Ephilei said...

This almost made me cry. I know exactly where you're coming from. While still a devout Christian myself, being transgender has kept me out of (what used to be) my church. I was fortunate to grow up in a Christian family and discover the wonder of Christ. If I had not, the bigotry of the Church would have kept me from Jesus.

alan said...

My grandfather was a Southern Baptist minister from the early 1920's until his death in 1966; two of his brothers were also in the ministry. Uncle Walter worked a regular job, just like everyone else and handled his church as well, saying that God said we were to take care of ourselves, not live off the church. He worked and preached until his death in his late 90's.

Grandpa spent most of his years on different "Indian" reservations in Oklahoma and New Mexico. After speaking at a revival meeting one night he was approached by a well dressed young man and his entourage and asked if he would like to join their ministry, that he would be well taken care of and "they were going places".

He turned the young man down later telling my Grandma that he felt the young man was out for his own glory, not the glory of God.

The young man has grown old now; his name would be recognized in most of the world; he has counselled kings and 6 or 7 Presidents; his ministry, worth millions, carries on though he is retired.

My Grandfather taught that Christ's love was there for everyone; he is buried in a little Texas town; his last church, taken at the pleading of it's 13 members after the doctors told him his heart couldn't withstand even that stress, now a forgotten empty shell a few miles away.

He taught that you didn't need to buy it, you didn't need anyone's permission to receive it; there were no gatekeepers...all you had to do was ask.

Not so many years later I was asked to leave the church I was a member of; though I've been in many since I've never felt them worth my time or the salt of my tears since. My belief system isn't Christian anymore, though I believe Jesus lived and died as well as Buddha and Mohamed and others through the years.

I believe that what you send out into the Universe is what is going to come back to you, most likely multiplied. If you try to do good things, positive things, then you shall receive back positive "energy".

But if you deal in hate, pain, fear-mongering then they shall return to you as well!

All of those you speak of live in fear of the miracle that is you; that despite all they've said and done you still have goodness and kindness in you. Each time they see it they fear it more and rail against it more vehemently!

Somewhere through the years I read a quote I can't attribute anymore:

"That which we despise most in others is what we fear most in ourselves!"

Those you speak of forget the teachings of love; of "do unto others..."; the more they rant the closer they come to imploding like a "black hole" from all the negative energy they force into the Universe and it's return to them.

They can't stand against truth and light and love!

Please never ever let them break that beautiful heart I've come to care for!


A friend of Christ said...

At last they arrived at Full Gospel Assembly KL.... know the pastors there since the 80s and some leaders are distant relatives.

God will turn it around and make it work for good.

Don't loose hope. Fight on ...

Yuki Choe said...

Thanks all for dropping by and sharing. As I said, I am still a proud believer in Christ. But I do not wish to associate myself with Christianists. It is no longer a faith, but a origanized cultish institution bent on power and control over people, and having seen some of the zombies that came out, I feel sad. In any case yes, in love there is still hope. :-)

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