Tuesday, December 23, 2008
24th of December is supposed to be a beautiful day. In my last Christmas eve as a member of a church, we went caroling and then spent some time in an Indian-Muslim restaurant after that. For the few years after, my friends and me went out and spent super party X-nights at the jam packed Ipoh Garden East pubs and clubs area, the playground during my early young adult years. 4 years ago, with my last girlfriend who nearly became my fiancé in my last months of boy acting, we went out and painted the town literally in the red of Christmas. And almost a year ago, I married my Australian husband.
That screwed it all up. Of all the days I can choose, I chose, Christmas. So I have something to cherish for the rest of my life (presumably). When I returned to Malaysia after my wedding, tomorrow was supposed to be the day I am fully operated and reunited with my husband. Now I am alone, struggling to gain back my confidence and life. My so-called husband? He is now a psycho who believes he and his ex-wife are alien hybrids and last I heard, he is waiting to his makers (those pesky aliens of course) to come. He has been rather quiet since his alien-lunatic inspiration announced that his extra-terrestrial friends will come October 14th this year. Because of course, reality of life is against that.
So the aliens never made it, he lost his wife, now with his ex-wife, I am still pre-operative and I will should be dating again soon. And I do not have much to go on. Speaking of that dating thingy, choices are few and far between. I could not bring myself to love pure men anymore, and women in my life may never accept me for my form as a transsexual female. I can never be fully femme, and I have to accept that. So I will still be looking.
I am stuck in a project job probably until some economic recovery on both personal and world front. I am back in struggling to secure my car from being towed away, and I did not update on my donation drives because there is nothing to update. Except that two of my dearest overseas friends sending the last two PayPal donations. It is amazing how the power of love drives people, and me. And with this love power, I have been all out concentrating on advocacy for LGBTs, going to events and making new friends along the way while addressing issues closest to my heart. At least that would help me stop hurting.
So I am going to destroy every photo that has my husband in it tomorrow. And I am going to make my Christmas beautiful somehow. I also hope that this blogsite has touched and inspired all of you reading it. I am still growing and learning and will still stand up for the community which I have come to love. And to all of you, seasons greetings of peace. Please drive carefully to your lezzie and gay clubbing destinations if you are a party-goer. If you are with your partners, have a beautiful silent night. If you are alone, someone here is lonely too. To all of you, A Merry And Blessed Christmas.
With Love, Yuki Choe.
Posted by Vivienne "Yuki" Choe at 7:31:00 PM