My husband did not leave on his own accord. As what he told me, he was dis-fellowshipped along with his wife then after 14 years with Kingdom Hall in Darwin. Which probably explains why he still hold to their teachings; from believing that Christ and the archangel Michael being the same person to always calling God by the name Jehovah. But I thought that it was not important, that our lives were of more importance.
The first time I met him at Australia he seemed a decent man. I did not mind him driving an old van or staying in an untidy house which is the only house around the area that do not have air-conditioning to beat the humid Darwin weather. I did not even mind his cerebral palsy ridden ex-wife is staying with us. As long as he loves me, I thought. And in a month we were supposed to marry. It was just 2 weeks when things started to happen.
After attempting to clean the floor with something harsh, the smell of the odour got me into a bad headache which resembled a sinus infection. The next day, I complained to my husband of not being well. Instead of letting me rest and with no regards to how I was feeling, he literally dragged me out of my bed and forced me into the van to go out. It is now I know that Jehovah’s Witnesses seemed to have a theocratic treatment towards women.
After my return to Malaysia heading towards my operation, he suddenly told me he is now a believer in Native American Indian religions. He is a firm believer in Hopi prophecies and began to believe in UFOs and ETs coming to earth. I have no problems with that, except that he chases after the “knowledge” like a new drug. He was obsessed with it, to the point he abandoned responsibility to many things, including me, his wife.
And his responses were so Jehovah’s Witnesses like. All my disapproval to him was interpreted by him as persecution. Every criticism by me was deemed by him as an insult. Every argument I had with him seemed to end with him blaming me for abuse. In fact I was really starting to blame myself, probably for my lack of time with him at Darwin - Australia, when I should have been with him. But true to a JW follower, he believed in the illusion that he is right.
When he decided to leave me in the lurch in Thailand, his stories just did not hold up. Reason for cancelling my operation was supposed to be financial difficulties. But he did not talk to me about it, instead he told the nurse that. And he told me he was cancelling it because I was “abusing” him. All this while telling everyone else I was “milking him for money.” He blamed me for giving me the operation, he blamed me for giving me money.
He was also confused with what he wants. He has yet to finish his book that was supposed to be published last year. A book that took 15 years to write and yet to finish. He told me he believed the end of the world was nigh. Now he believes aliens will save the day. He has become more conceited and righteous until he believes I am blind. His self-righteousness is so evident now. I found that out last August, when he announced our separation.
I am sorry I can’t help out with any advice regarding immigration. Vivienne and I split up. Some days before her operations were due she started to behave really strangely and I had to cancel for her own sake. But she also had some other very serious issues before this, that I was hoping we could deal with. Unfortunately they were too serious. I’m fine though. Resigned to being alone for the time being. No big. I wish you and Chris all the best. (emphasis mine)
Behaving really strangely? Cancelling the operation for my own sake? I had some very serious issues? He went on to imply in e-mail today that I insulted him and that I treated him as though he was stupid. And all I asked for was some money to support myself further because I am not in a good state with medical and financial issues. I have resisted myself asking for alimony from him even though I have a strong case. I still care for him.
After reading several sources about Jehovah’s Witnesses, I am starting to feel sorry for him. He did not have a good past, his childhood was nothing but a trip around Australia in a caravan with an overbearing mother and a drunkard father. Then his youth was entrapped within four walls he thought was home. He thinks he is happy and felt accepted by "friends". How to treat a girl right is far away from his dictionary, let alone how to be a husband.
The peculiar thing was that for a few times he actually admitted his days in the Jehovah’s Witnesses screwed him up, then changes his mind to silence. But even as a person obsessed with White Hopi prophecies, the retention of his values as a JW within him never went away. The quest for peace in this world. That secret place where there is no war. A hunger for fulfillment in life. It is unfortunate he is looking for it at the wrong places.
I married an actual Jehovah’s Witness man. That was a mistake. There is nothing I can do about it. The deep misogyny I experienced shall never be forgotten. He may even be reading this and hurl accusations of “insult” and “abuse”. But he can never escape this fact. He made promises worth life / death to his wife. He broke them 5 days before the biggest of promises. Also blame his wife for this and that. Then seeks approval from his “brothers”.
He is now with his ex-wife who is inflicted with Cerebral Palsy. The living conditions for her are horrendous, and I recall him talking as if he is the only sane carer in Australia, and is keeping her because of the fear she would be abused by other carers. Probably another self-righteous lie I guess. Actually, maybe this is the case. Cerebral Palsy women are easier to control for him. Smart and thinking women are too much for him to handle.
Yuki's Choice Reading:
A Ministry of Misery: Mental Illness and the Jehovah's Witnesses