Thursday, September 4, 2008

What About It?

Okay, I am going to take back my words on how easy it would be for a transsexual female like me to get a job now as last mentioned in my previous post. W----- International had turned me down, exactly two weeks after they invited me to go for three days of training to be set at a later date, asked me to pay for the printing of my name cards and portfolio, and to collect leads and contacts. I should have seen it coming from their Division Manager who interviewed me, who was slightly disturbed and questioning of my gender.

Well, I had done my part and have a lot of leads for my sales, with him promising to call me back. But after more than a week of silence, an SMS yesterday telling me that they cannot offer me a sales job got me really angry indeed. This is a non-basic salary and high commission based job. They got nothing to lose by taking me in especially in my fiery mood after being dumped by my husband. A good look at my face and they can see PERFORMANCE written all over my eyes. But alas they think I am not good enough.

But I guess it is okay though. I am used to be segregated along with those other transsexuals who may or may not be a threat to any organizations by simply existing. The irony that I could have made a mark almost immediately, especially with the contacts I have and the fire that exist in my soul to go out there and prove my worth. But I guess people are really that afraid that a girl like me that they overlook the good in me; my very presence which is a good asset in sales because people will always remember me wherever I go.

Yep, so called (really so-called) international company. If I report this, their international human rights ratings will go down the sewers. But that is life. I received that irony filled SMS in the evening. That morning itself I had already accepted another job on freelance being a mortgage broker. Oh yes, the fire is still there. I will make sure that kind company that let me represent them get the best of me. But I guess there would be friendly faces and not so nice ones everywhere you go in this stereotypical society.

For example, my own community. I am really tired of people asking me the wrong questions. Even today, the question from my pastor really made me feel like tearing my ear holes in apart. “Can you do a drag show instead for the anniversary dinner? K-- may not be available”. I again, for unknown times, have to remind him again that I am not dragging. Puh-leese. I am a transsexual female. Not a transvestite. How can I drag when I am already wearing something that is for my gender identity?

Is it important? Reading “Questioning Transphobia” these days may prove it to be of utter importance. Representation. HBS women (excuse the new term I am using here), that is born out of life as normal as any transsexual women, only to disown the transsexual community by stating they are somewhat “special ones” that joins female trans-bashers in excluding people like me in their circle, all the way to the washroom. And the female trans-bashers themselves think that my womanhood do not exist. Duh.

Gender Identity is what is going to make or break me. A MTF transsexual is female and a transvestite is male. That is the difference between me and a certain singing pastor proclaiming he once dressed as a girl. The difference between looking as a girl and pretending as a girl. It is as contrasting as a person like me having a disgusting mutation called a dick and another person proud to make their dick bigger. So when these “international” companies right down to my own pastor cannot understand it, I could faint.

I cannot blame them though. Society had made themselves in such a way people are too engrossed with the penis and a vagina. I wonder if my interviewer would be less hesitant with me should I be a very large sized person who looks like a man but was born with a vagina. People actually think with their dicks and vagina these days mind you again. Without it there would not be a sodomy case or even any sex. Without it there would not even be a boy or a girl. Or even HIV/AIDS. That is my cue. Do spirits have a dick or a puss?

That is exactly why the Bible says, in heaven there is no male or female. So why is it that important now?

1 comment:

h0cmun said...

hey friend, how are you doing?
I hope you're coping well with life!
Happy Malaysia Day. :)

" Aku yakin bahawa tiada sesuatu pun dapat menghalang Kristus mengasihi kita: baik kematian mahupun kehidupan, baik malaikat mahupun penguasa lain di angkasa, baik hal-hal yang berlaku sekarang mahupun pada masa yang akan datang; baik hal-hal yang di langit mahupun yang di bumi- tidak ada sesuatu pun di alam semesta yang dapat menghalang Allah mengasihi kita, seperti yang sudah ditunjukkan-Nya melalui Kristus Yesus, Tuhan kita!" -Roma 8:38-39-