Some Random Thoughts In My Mind.

Malaysia is a backward country. I am proud of most of Malaysia, I really am. But it does seem to me in the eyes of most of this country, I am a “neither here nor there” or “it”; or worse a “boy” who dresses up as a girl. All my life I since I was born I knew I was different, I knew I am a girl. I knew I am not a normal girl. What I did not know was how difficult most of society would find to accept me, or even come to terms with who I am. And terms like “woman trapped in a man’s body” are so alien to me. More than a third of me am female, still I do not understand why the wrong descriptions are used. Let alone the labels.

Trans 101 is not difficult to understand, unless you do not wish to think about it. It is tiring to explain to people on this condition I am born with, especially when people still are fixated on a sex organ as the marker for gender. And a reassignment surgery is called “mutilation” by narrow-minded individuals, without realizing how cancerous something that does not belong to your body is to your soul. Many do not understand the intense distress I have waking up in the morning knowing exactly my person, and the struggles to get the reflection on the mirror to represent who I am correctly. I have a very hard life.

Yes, my life is supremely difficult. That shows it is not a choice that I am born a female this way. From what I have learnt, I know how to answer all the questions about me. But when some bigoted individuals cannot answer me in the light of reality and science, they use their belief and religious faith to get an extra mileage on the discussion. However, there lies the problem. Now that what you see in front of you, is an existing being and the truth that other possibilities can happen on sex and gender, and that you can examine me in the strictest of scrutiny as possible and still find me real; how are you going mold me back into your books? How are you going to get the sun to travel around the earth because the Bible says so?

I have nothing against anyone. I respect every individual. I do not discriminate anyone or harm anybody. So when I hear again and again the same echo-holic chamber members resounding the same fallacious arguments, with the same stubbornness to listen and accept, the same remarks that are a long way in describing who I am; it really makes me dizzy. I just want to let myself go, leave it and let live and move forward in life. I do not expect life to give me an easy time, but it is okay, that is life anyway. What I am asking for is the decency to know me, the pure me, before you judge me; eventhough your opinions on my sexual identity may be irrelevant, then at least treat me with the same measure of humanity that I share with you and everyone.