The Best From The Archives Of "The Journey Of Yuki" - Who are we to judge Sufiah Yusuf?

I have been following the story of Sufiah Yusuf (Shilpa Lee) with interest. At 13 she is a math genius and now as a young adult she is a full-time escort. What disgusts me is the reaction of the worldwide moral police consisting of bloggers, religious people and journalists having their own opinions on why she choose the life of an escort. It goes from “Blame the father” to “Pressure from young age” then “Divorce from her husband”. Reactions consists of “She needs to 'bertaubat' (repent)” to “sad state of mind” then “unlucky”, recently “look at the kind of money she is making!”

I find all these very silly indeed. I had a chat with my friend recently about her and we both agree, we should stop making assumptions and just listen to what she had to say. And she finally uttered this sentence, “By the time I was 15 I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back”. This sentence seemed to be virtually ignored by every person reading her story. In fact, many quarters still wishes to define her for herself when she is already in control of her life. In fact, everyone is trying to act like they know her, still repeating the really annoying dogma of “Blame the father!”.

She was 15 when she decided to take control of her life. I wish I had the courage and determination to do so at that age. When I was her age, until a few years back I was still being controlled by people; parents, church members, friends, teachers and boyfriends/girlfriends. They imposed what they believed was for the good of me when it made me a severely confused girl who is trying to be a boy to please everyone. Whatever I do was taken under scrutiny. In the process, I lost the soul of what makes me, me. I became the parody of each and everyone's definition of the surname “Choe”.

If I had chose to stop listening too much to people at that age, and start to question and think for myself, I would have a hard a life as a transsexual female at a very young age. But at least I know I would be happy. But knowing that at 30 plus I am finally in control of my life makes me realise it is not too late. And of course, there are the usual ridiculous assumptions of what made me “become” this way; “Must be the mother”, “She had been sexually abused”, “The last girlfriend must have hurt this person so badly”, and a host of other fallacy of ambiguities. All post hoc, ergo propter hoc.

I took control of my life as Sufiah Yusuf did. I wish I had the maturity to do so at her age. But at least I am on my way. Sufiah Yusuf is now happy in her career and we all should just leave her alone. We talk so much about “blame the father”, but are we not doing the same things the father did? The father pressured her when she was too young to be a math prodigy, did we not say that? And look what we are doing now. We are pressuring her to “repent” and we made out her story like a personal disaster movie; but she already stated that she is happy her life had turned out this way.

And what is wrong with being a escort? The calls of “sin” again? Are we not sinful too? And I sincerely ask every women reading my humble blog here this question. Since most of us Malaysia women would also have our chance encounters with men until we slept with them for the night, which is better, to give men sex for free or to give men sex for money? This is a controversial subject, but just think. How many one night stands had some of us women had with just a “mamak” supper to show for. If we call her a “hooker” for earning her kind of money, what about us then?

Let us all just respect her for her decision. Who are we to judge her? Are we giving her money to use in United Kingdom? Are we feeding her or clothing her? For goodness sake, she is taking care of her own life. It is time we should leave her alone. We would bear consequences of our own fallen nature, and similarly would not like to be judged in the same manner. And she is smart enough to know she cannot be in this field of work forever. And we cannot live forever without taking care of ourselves too. It is insane trying to control or define Sufiah Yusuf when we do not even know her.

It is time for us to stop condemning or pitying or judging her. It is time for us to start listening to her, because she is happy in her life. We would be ultra shallow to resort to condescending remarks about her when we have our own problem and our lives to live. How would we feel if we were to be under the same scrutiny and being defined by everyone around us? We surely would not like that. To Sufiah Yusuf, I give you my sincere high 5 . You are a very brave young woman. Even though everyone thinks you are crazy, you are an inspiration to me. Take care, all the best for the future.

Selective wit and wisdom of Sufiah Yusuf (Shilpa Lee):

"People think escorting is sleazy and terrible but I don’t see it like that,”

"I hate this stereotype society has of escorts as being exploited. It is so far from the truth. My clients treat me like a princess. One guy took me shopping on Bond Street. He bought me a beautiful black Gucci dress for £300 (RM1,920) and then took me to Selfridges, where I could pick a handbag I liked.”

"As I grew older, I began to clash with my father. He was violent at times. He pushed me so far academically, I became more confident for any girl my age. I grew up too quickly.”

"Oxford was an amazing place but I was too young. By the time I was 15, I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back,”

"I have never felt so confident about my body and I’ve had some of the best sex of my life”

Yuki's thoughts:

She Is Da Bomb! Kinda Inspire Me To Really Do Something About My Body. : )

Published in "The Journey Of Yuki" on Monday, April 7, 2008

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Responses from commenters:

There are still responses up to this month on this post at "The Journey Of Yuki".

Anonymous said...
so ur point is she became in control of her life by becoming a hooker??
and its ok 4 sumones husband 2 fuk this hooker n keep her on the syd? wud it b ok if it was ur husband?
wud it b ok if ur daughter sold her body 4 one night?
she cud have ne job she wants 2 match her 60k but no she chooses 2 slp around n make her cash!!
standing ovation 3 her!!
man!!.... i so wish she was my mummy or my sister!

December 22, 2008 8:31 AM


Vivienne Yuki Choe said...
I am not as liberal as to encourage people to go into prostitution, but I do encourage people to live their lives the best way they can be, and that no one can judge another person when all of us have our own skeletons to deal with. This is also a sexist issue, with a variety of opinions that may arise from the sort of questions you posed to me.

If she were to sleep with my husband, I would not blame her. I would blame my husband for not being able to control his dick.

If my daughter were to sell her body for one night I would not mind. I find it more a disgrace if she were to go around giving out sex for free. But of course I would hope this only a temporary experimentation of her life.

Hope you understand what I mean. :)

December 22, 2008 2:31 PM


Anonymous said...
Dear Yuki. How deep n wide is your way of thinking. Perhaps too advance ya. I do agree that we shouldn't judge one, the way people would love to see Ms. Yusuf in her life.
Yet when U touched an issue about ur own daughter, then I must say.. Hmhmh... She is more than something.. Hope our life even better (with our own belief..). Salam.

March 21, 2009 6:07 PM


Anonymous said...
you are intellectual assholes with little or no idea of the truth behind this...you accept what you read asking only surface questions...she did not disappear from oxford uni of her own volition...i was there at the time...her childhood has very little to do with her set of problems...look at ALL the evidence...

April 17, 2009 7:05 AM


Anonymous said...
here is a clue for all the idiots out there...HEADLINE: THE BRIGHTEST FAMILY IN BRITAIN
SUBHEAD: AND THEY ACHIEVED IT BY REJECTING EVERYTHING THAT WE BELIEVE IN
BYLINE: JANE KELLY
TITLE: Daily Mail
DATE: 16/10/1998
EDITION: 1ST
the dad trashed Britain in this interview...Sufiah soon disappeared after this...who would have been pissed off by this?

April 17, 2009 7:16 AM


Anonymous said...
the brits play it by the rules and the world is still flat...right?

April 17, 2009 7:30 AM


Anonymous said...
very little of the facts have ever been reported...what sufiah has been telling the papers are porkies...from beginning to end everything has been stage-managed...she was not with her family when she disappeared...if she had problems how did her other siblings manage to graduate with no probs? i saw her many times at oxford uni...she was busy attending extreme left wing meetings...these were weird people with extreme agendas..anarchy and the rest...her behaviour since hasn't surprised me one bit...she was easily led and an idiot when it came to judging people. once cut off from all her family, friends and roots and under the control of the social services at the farthest corner of england it's hardly surprising she lost her bearings...when she first disappeared she was phoning not her home as the brit media has claimed but her much older left wing buddies who were now pulling all the strings...do you really think the brit establishment would have accepted the real truth to emerge given her status and the damage this could have done to their reputation. bs about the family was the easier route...it's called plausible deniability...given 'the natives' have swallowed all the bs the brits have done a good job!
April 17, 2009 11:25 AM


Anonymous said...
you know, i've never really took any notice on news. i really have no idea what goes on in the world and only about what goes on in my world because the bigger world just gives you more to worry about. but this sufiah story is funny. it was just talk of the town and yes, i agree with you that people that don't even know her and talk about her but.. that's what people are like now days. they like to talk, gossip.. make other peoples lives feel like shit and feel good about it. point out other peoples flaws oblivious that people are doing the same about them. sufiah went into the real world at an early age. most malaysians still live with our parents at 30. so when does that technically mean? she's already friggin smart, she's gorgeous, and she might just actually be an amazing person.. so that's an excellent combo of a person. and making money for being the amazing person you are? that's a friggin awesome job. by being yourself and making a living out of it. you'd be surprised what kind of people her clients may be. if she's an escort, escorts are well maintained and paid real good money. if you want sex, you pay more. but these people are mainly rich gentlemen. some may be dicks but you'll never know till you see right. gosh, it's like Pretty Women. and i loved that friggin movie. only difference is that sufiah is super smart and doesn't need to go to school anymore. Oxford. HELLO! 13! HELLO! how many of those do you see everyday? well, maybe now days got la a few but still!! maybe one day she will find her knight in shining platinum armor and quit all that and be the happiest she could ever be. no one wants your children or hubands or yourselves to be that way.. it's just a question.

June 17, 2009 4:03 AM


Yuki's Thoughts:
Thanks for all your thoughts and commentaries, though I wish commenters stop being "Annonymous". I have an identity. So does Sufiah Yusuf. As for the Annonymous who trashed her with 4 comments in a row, at least she has an identity and lives by it. She is not a coward. That is why I respect her. Her happiness, hooker or not, cannot take away dignity. The pot shots trying to tarnish her means nothing. Whatever she does in the future, I say all the best.