The Story.

There is a misconception I feel I have the responsibility to address in regards to the recent Donation Drive organized here at my blog. There have been some good responses so far, while at the same time it seems people do not really catch what I need to solve my immediate problems at this moment. Perhaps it is best I explain what happened from the middle of this year until now so that everyone can have clearer picture on what kind of assistance, donations and help I need right now and the reason to it.

I was, at the month of June, ready to go for my Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) at Chonburi, Thailand. Me and my husband's plans were simple, he would move from Darwin, Northern Territory in Australia to Perth. Then after spending my last months in Malaysia, I would join him at Perth before Christmas Eve. My husband was supporting me all the way, there were no problems to be seen at that juncture. By the time I reach Perth, I should supposedly be a fully recovered MTF from my SRS, and all woman.

I had everything going on. I already arrived at Chonburi, Thailand last June the 23rd. I am ready for my surgery. Then on the 24th, my husband then suddenly wanted to break up with me. Then on the 25th, he actually attempted to cancel my surgery. By the 26th, the verdict was a postponement; but by then it was already the end. There was no way I can go for this surgery because my husband was paying for it, and the Administrator, obviously a fellow countrymen, was siding him all the time, to the point she still insists my husband was a good man. I am clueless then, I only know I had lost my SRS and my hubby.

No decent man would not accompany his wife to a major surgery, let alone leave his wife on a foreign soil with nothing! No good man would promise forever to his wife, only to leave her after she had arrived in a foreign country, 6 days before a major surgery scheduled! No loving man would entice the MTF wife with the promise of SRS, but cancel it 5 days before the operation! That was all my friend's verdict on him. It kills me again and again, but that is reality. And it bit me so much until I felt really numb, but I knew I need to be back to Malaysia. I knew, I knew I had no time to be depressed. An uncertain future awaits.

So I arrived back in Malaysia on the 2nd of July. I got back my car which my former employer was keeping for me. I quickly rushed to Robson Heights where my friend decided to let me stay at his place in Kristal Court. I was there for a month. I spent my time there between sobbing and exercising and surfing the net and writing articles and having depression. In between, my task to look for a job began. My resume was churned out, my jobstreet profile updated, newspaper classifieds are out. I did not manage to get a single interview within that period of July but I did manage to land myself into trouble.

I was unable to secure a place to stay because I do not have enough money with me, and my friends are NOT helping. So I am dependent on my going to be former husband to secure me a last allowance. That happened at around the beginning of August. By that time I already have to move out of my friend's place. Since I had no place to go, and without a place to stay, and none of my friends wish to let me bunk in with them, I had to stay in a hotel. It was then I called my pastor from an LGBT affirming church. He recommended me to a friend who was supposed to meet me (and he only done so a week later). That was a BIG mistake.

That was a week passed. I was losing money staying at the hotel, and I already paid for my car issues. And I needed to reserve some money for the rent for the room. He finally met me, and promised to let me have a look at that place a few days later. A few days was a long time, because when I finally took a look at that place, it was already two weeks. And contrary to what he had promised me, the place was not ready! It was supposed to have everything, and ended up it had nothing. I was so pissed off at him.

Okay, I had enough of waiting. Giving face to my pastor for two weeks is too much. I need to be selfish. I scrambled to the best area I could find within one day, and found a place in UEP Subang Jaya. After giving the deposit and rental, I have only a thousand plus Ringgit left. It was then the sinking feeling began. I managed to have a friend help me salvage my car for another two months, but that was it. I was alone. And as usual some from my own Christian group refused to help me, stating that to help me would only make me worse (chinese saying). Now I realised really what bullshit this is. It was just a selfish excuse. And it was an indoctrinated virtue there.

But goody, after over 60 attempts at jobs and 2 interviews, I had a job for an agricultural investment firm W-----. So all I needed to do was to wait for the letter of employment and name cards. At the same time I also was interviewed by SV (under ING) that deals with home loan insurance. But both are non basic jobs. But I knew if I wanted to get back my life, I have to go for the high commission. I KNOW I can do it. So I choose W----- at first. But again, the wait. After 1 week, I called the boss SC, he told me he will get back to me after meeting the HR. Then it became 2 weeks. I called to E, a sales person who recommended me the job. She said this is an INTERNATIONAL company therefore I HAVE to WAIT.

So independence day passed (31/8), and it is now September. I had rent to pay. So I decided to ask my friend to help me pay the two months rental up front. I gave him the cash. Another STUPID mistake. He disappeared. Hahaha. I am an incredible friend to everyone, but no one can do the same for me. With what remains of my cash I was dealt with another blow. W----- International had the cheek to not call me, and instead the boss there SC SMSed to me that they are unable to take me in as their sales person. Almost 3 weeks of wait and I have to read this crap from the so-called INTERNATIONAL company?

Okay fine. It is not my waste, it is theirs. I am on fire. I got the tools. I got the talent. So I settled with the company SV. Then my problems became worse. I am almost out of money. After going for the first “training” I already do not have petrol to go far, let alone eat. So I have no choice but to work in a pub. Yet another STUPID mistake. The boss there is so stingy, some bottles of whisky's which supposedly I opened the bill do not have my name at the 'sold by' column. He is attempting to rob half of my commission. My basic pay is only there if I manage to ask customers to spend me two super overpriced vodka limes.

Then my problems compounded, I vomited blood after 10 days at the job. And I realized my liver problems are back. So not wanting to jeopardize my health, and since the pub owner is a cheater, I quit. That was when I decided to start this donation campaign. In between the period at Thailand till now, there are friends here and there chipping me the odd 50 or 100 Ringgit. But that is precisely the problem. Those are only a few friends. And that only solved the food problems. My other immediate problems are hanging there in front of my face as I wake up everyday. Which is why I need the help.

What I need now is a collection of a lump sum so that I am able to solve the immediate problems I mentioned. Then I will run my own business that I had planned for quite some time alongside the home loan insurance under SV-ING. At the same time my advocacy work will continue. But I need to be on my feet first. Hence this donation campaign. I have been getting funny replies after the campaign was announced on Tilted World today. One even ask me if I wish to work with my sisters at ISETAN, but another gave me a brilliant idea on trying to get my blogsite advertised. Okay, straight up. Between now and the next few months, depending on how much cash influx I have, only these two can happen.

Either, from not being able to fix my shoes to not being able to eat, my car finally gets towed. I am also finally evicted. I probably will stay in the shelter, and because I still need money I WOULD work at ISETAN. Because of mounting debts caused by my ex-fiance, in addition to my car being auctioned but I still have to pay a surmountable amount of money to the bank, I probably cannot afford to. I will then be declared bankrupt. But no worries, there is still the ISETAN job that pays me what they pay most Bangla and Myanmar workers. Probably could not afford to make ends meet let alone hormones in this economy, so I am stuck with my sisters at Jalan CK facing HIV risks everyday, unless some rich man wants to keep me as a lover.

Or, I got the cash I needed to start what I have been trying to start since last month, that is a sales and service based business I envisioned that includes the home loan insurance. I am evicted, but got another place to stay. My car which was two months overdue was finally paid for. I fixed my shoes! I am not eating that much because I choose to not do so for my diet, not because I am forced to. I finally can discuss with AKPK on how to solve my 4 year old credit problems and manage my finances. I am coming of age blogging for LGBT advocacy, and finally starting to write my book. My life begins!

My life now hangs on the balance this 2 extreme pendulum motions. I must say it was partially my fault getting into this mess. I should not have let myself be cheated so many times, especially by my ex-fiance (my last girlfriend) 4 years ago. And also in the relationship with my soon to be ex-husband, I should have saved as much as possible with every cent he gave me. It is my foolishness in thinking he will always be there to look after me. I believed that, for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, till death do us part. I did not save enough of what he gave me because I thought he would always be there. I am really too much of a stupid dumb girl.

So this is my story for the past few months. At least now you can see the clearer picture, like why I cannot simply get any job and work first. I risk putting myself into the sinking hole directly, which seriously, everyone would want to die first from dropping inside. It is because I am tied to a stupid Malaysian made car that has no re-sell value, plus my bank debts. I have to negotiate this very carefully but fast, but I need your help and assistance if you can give it. Give as much as you want and can. It is not good to be at the mercy of people like this, but I do not have a choice. Hope this clears all the air now.

(For those wiling to donate via transfer from overseas, please e-mail to yuki.choe@yahoo.com on SWIFT code or Western Union transfers; or for other details. Thank you.)

Love & Hugs, Yuki.
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